Fortunate

“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.”-Dalai Lama

Carlos Vareda: Palabras

"A word does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that mud hides.

A glance does not say anything
And at the same time it says everything
Like rain on your face
Or an old treasure map

A truth does not say anything
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that does not go out
Like a stone that is born dust.

If one day you need me, I will be nothing
And at the same time I will be everything
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown."

Beyond the boundaries: The moon shots to cure cancer

Cold

It is not cold here, not yet. I caught a cold, which started as sore throat and went on causing me to cough up most curious things. I did not know that stuff resided in my lungs!
It's just common cold, but still quite an annoyance. It belongs to the very same group along with spiders, gecko lizards, snakes, cancer and all sorts of unnecessary stuff. Some may not agree with adding gecko lizards in, I have been told they are "cute", but not in my opinion. So shove them all in the same group. But yes, if I had to choose between cancer and geckos, then lizards would be most welcome in house. I just don't like them...  [insert frightened face here].

I just watched "24" series seasons 1 and 2. Nodding off every now and then, wondering why I never used to watch 24. It's actually awesome. It is somewhat exciting to watch 24 for hours and hours, knowing the season will come into its end, but that another one will follow and there is no need to wait for a week for next episode. Yes!!! Not that watching TV is one of the most exciting pastimes in this world, but it kept me entertained while sneezing and coughing. I hope Tony Almeida did not catch my cold lol

October 14 is dedicated for blood tests, October 15 for Thyroid whole body scan, and luckily, this time I am on Thyrogen, not having to stop Synthroid for such a long time. I was wrecked in January, when I was waiting to undergo Thyroid WBS. Never again, I said. This time the doc listened to me, and provided me with Thyrogen, which I will attempt to inject myself two days before the scan. Yes, myself, absolutely. Why not? I have not had to stick a needle into anyone's flesh for quite some time. If you feel you cannot possible leave Synthroid, ask and beg and kick and scream for Thyrogen. I had to change hospital and doctor, before this was possible for me, but I knew I would not want to undergo anymore scans feeling totally exhausted. It was very deep seated exhaustion, no matter what I did, I felt I did not get enough rest...  [insert sleepy and exhausted faces here].

Ultrasound of thyroid shows some interesthting detailshhhh- awww Zyrtec is kicking in and forcing me to bed... I've not sneezed or coughed for at least 5 minutes now. Yepper!

Summer 2012

Summer of 2012

Never mind..

News? No news is good news as they say..
- I spent great vacation in the USA in August, unforgettable moments in Wyoming. The scenery is breathtaking, and it is silent! Some of the best moments were spent outdoors. Of course I would like to return next summer.
- Unexpected visitor announced its presence.. weird looking lymph nodes in my neck. Thyroid whole body scan in October will guide us further and we'll decide about treatment. If the decision is in my hands, I would not choose radioactive iodine anymore. Another potential option- if cancer has not spread- is external radiotherapy, which I would choose under the circumstances. My opinion may not matter, I am not an expert, but I will pray that these two options will be available and that we can go ahead with EBRT, if necessary.
- No graphic details here- but what is the matter with my intestines...? Eating reasonable amounts, small portions,  minimum amount of fat and carbs, choosing fiber, green leafy vegetables, occasional glass of milk... Diarrhea is a constant companion! I don't believe this!!! It is making me most uncomfortable and I even ended up buying diapers in Wal-Mart. Just in case I have an accident in the car whilst driving from SD to WY. Undigested pieces of veggies..? Milk or no milk, wheat or no wheat, diarrhea is there for sure. Positive mind says it is caused by combination of stress and IBS. Negative mind says cancer has spread into colon. Neutral mind tells me to shut up and start preparing for colonoscopy.
- Old friend came back into picture! Not uninvited at all. I was truly happy to see him again. We had not met since 2003. Long time, but not that long we would have forgotten. He's fantastic, such a great person, always one of my best friends.

Possibility of having to deal with cancer recurrence is unnerving and I am not fond of hospitals and white coats. Latest clinic visit raised my blood pressure up in the sky, and nurses bombarded me with questions "Do you suffer from hypertension?". Of course I do, but it is always when I get to step into this godforsaken clinic. In my hand I was holding a cup of Starbucks coffee, that combined with anxiety surely stopped my BP from dropping down too low.

Then again, cancer may recur, we all know that. Good resources for me have been books "Planet Cancer" and "Crazy sexy cancer tips" (latter written by Kris Carr). That's why my boots- see above- will be walking me to and from hospital, from one investigation to another.

By the way, what is "Cancer card"?