One rule for you, one for me

This is how the story goes over and over ago, like a broken record:
This person, who works in an unnamed organization, has it all. Decent salary, authority, freedom to do and decide whatever is convenient à la mode de micromanager. Office with a view, which enables the manager to look for disobedient unruly employees. And yes, there are plenty of them.
In normal fair and equal world all employees, including that notorious micromanager arrive at work and leave on time. In ideal world no micromanagement exist, neither do micromanagers, but then we do not live in an ideal world. We live in a world, where manager decides, manager comes and goes, manager is late, manager lies and hides facts, manager manages and  manager says No. Manager is not respected, well-liked or loved, quite the contrary. This sort of managing style won't help in making friends, but the manager does not realize this. 
Why don't same rules apply? Spending rather a wild weekend, returning from holiday or whatever does not give an employee the right to arrive to work late on Monday morning. But somehow these rules don't apply to the manager. Why???!!! I can honestly say I am always on time at work each morning, unless I am home unconscious, had car accident or something. It is very very rare that my alarm clock does not function. Manager is paid that high salary, and then gets these extra privileges too. Perhaps they are included in the contract? "Thou shall be late every Monday morning" and "Returning from holidays gives you an automatic right to be late or not show up at all". Yes, this must be the case. My contract does not give me these rights, but there are always those privileged ones. Always. That's just the fact of life.
I am disgusted.  

Are we there yet?

"Do you know who you are? Do you know what's happened to you? Do you want to live this way?"
- Dr. Cristina Yang in Grey's Anatomy

I spent yesterday in Valium induced dream after procedure done in hospital. Well, actually there was no procedure at all. There was supposed to be one, but I said NO. No means f...ing NO and I meant it this time. No endometrial biopsy. Do I feel sorry for those wasted efforts it took for them to get everything set up expecting the patient to be fully compliant, asking no questions, just saying Yeah ok, let's do it. I am no ordinary patient. Keep your bloody biopsy tool in its sterile package.
I was prepared though, with Valium and extra strong painkiller. No wonder the day slipped past and there is no real recollection of the appointment itself.
It's just the way I wanted it. No pain.
There is no need to remember every single detail.

What's happened to me in the past few months? I've learned what sort of person I don't want to be nor become. I know the meaning of "micromanagement" and "bullying". I know that I don't always get my way, but when I very often have to back down and give others what they want, I don't handle that very well. I have noticed several people around me are suffering both mentally and physically and now same is beginning to happen to me. Cancer is history, but there are even more difficult issues to overcome. I'm trying hard not to become angry, bitter and ... a bully.

It might just be possible to sit back and let "others" concern themselves with all these issues. It might just be enough to make the cracks appear. Let them dig their own graves and land into their own traps. It is highly frustrating that I know what I would like to do, but can't get there, because I also fell into my own trap, built by me and several others around me. Trap of two years of no real direction. Fair amount of time is spent is pointless meetings, that often end is someone walking out. I can't often think of anything to say, because it is all irrelevant anyway. Just enough if I concentrate on drawing Mickey Mouses and other weird characters in my diary. Let 'em others talk whatever they want. My contribution is not needed.

There is a lot on my plate right now and I just need to answer this one question: "Do I want to live this way?"

University studies, one man, one horse, one operation in June. One hell of a mess in the house, because I've had no time to clean. Stuff and people appearing from the past and I have to deal with it. Ok, I will get there somehow, why not use the same tactic than that "someone", who covers up by delegating everything?