Thyroid cancer revisited

List of unwelcome people, life events that suck and general needless stuff is endless. Cancer tops the list and will always have its safe Top 10 spot. Year ago I was undergoing series of tests (yes, those that have no end in sight) and was preparing two thyroid whole body scans and the radioactive iodine treatment. Year older and wiser now I can say it was "not that bad". Not nearly as bad as when compared to leukemia treatment. Not as bad as having long term illness that has no good prognosis, ever. 
But yes, of course it sucks. People around me had to watch me turning into a monster: all my favorite foods were on "banned" list, and lack of Synthroid just made me look like .. well, a monster. Puffy face cookie monster. Not horror movie kind of monster. Good thing was that it was gradual, not an overnight change. I did not really see- or want to see- anything being wrong. Mornings were hard, as if I had eaten junk food and been binge drinking and had not recovered from hangover. There is nothing make-up can't fix, so I thought, and since thyroid hormone was on a very low level in my blood, I was happy. Felt quite normal (tired normal) and drove to work.
It's only when I got there, I literally wanted to lie down on the floor and not get up at all. It was cold all the time, so I thought. When my menstrual period came (I so wish it had not!), I did not know whether the bleeding would ever stop. I did not even want to get up and walk for the fear that I would just bleed and bleed. No one warns you about these things- if someone did, or if I read it in somewhere, that information was long gone at the time when I needed it. So, in case it happens to you ladies, you know now.
Forewarned is forearmed. Don't worry if you forget, just go home and rest. Well, after the RAI, my period disappeared for four months. Fabulous. For the first time in years my hemoglobin was somewhere above 12.

Comparative study moment: which is worse; being off Synthroid or having to stick to low-iodine diet? Easy one! 
If I was off my meds, but could still eat whatever I fancied...
If I was on my meds, but had to become low-iodine kitchen guru...
Both have their ups and downs. I'd go for the 2nd option.
Where is the third option- meds, diet and THYROGEN? 

I've really not read many positive experiences being on Synthroid. Low iodine diet works for some ( I guess it's either that or starve). I don't spend much time in kitchen, but asked people their thoughts about low-iodine cooking. Completely eliminating salt was useful when my face started getting puffy (that is when I realized it was happening. Colleagues said later that no amount of make-up, cucumber face-masks and others could cover the damage). There were days, more toward the end, when I felt like one wrong word could start a war if I don't get the taste of that particular food I want. The truth is one bite would not have been enough. Yes, I remember having spaghetti and garlic bread once (twice...? but since underactive thyroid gland causes memory lapses..), and ate them without any guilt feelings. Nearly licked the plate so I could get all the sauce.

Year later I don't know if any research has been done about low-iodine diet- is it really the key to the success of RAI? Despite of my spaghetti dinner, RAI in my case was successful. Thyrogen still isn't available everywhere, and I would be so reluctant to have any scans done now without Thyrogen.

In hindsight it all sounds so easy. Should have done this, that etc. One thing is for sure: without support from family and friends it is much harder so do your best and don't push them away.

Today is a good day. I have not thought about cancer at all. I've not stood in front of the mirror examining the scar in my neck, because it is barely visible. I haven't talked about cancer, because it's not part of me and I've conquered one of my biggest fears.
Isn't that what they say: "Cancer, you chose the wrong bitch!"

How to survive without Synthroid for 6 weeks in preparation for Thyroid WBS Part 3

9 days have passed since the Scan number 1.
6 days since the Scan number 2.
Back on Synthroid for 9 days.
I am beginning to see the difference. I no longer need to nap for hours and I've been back at work. My exercise tolerance is pretty poor and last riding lesson on Sunday Jan 15 was cut short, because I was short of breath all the time. Riding is not just being a passenger on horse-back. Why even bother to ride...? It is one of those things I do, to prove myself I can DO it, prove those all-mighty doctors wrong. Why should I stay indoors all the time and give up something I love doing? I'd ride for five minutes, if that's the best I can do.

6 weeks without Synthroid puts enormous pressure on both physical and mental body. Everyone, as we all are individuals, handles it in a different way. For some it's a real struggle, for some it is easier. At the time when all I could do was ask for sick leave, I felt like s..t and all I could think was go home and back to bed. Few days after that I felt like I needed to lay down on the floor, because of extreme fatigue. I think I could have slept 24 hours a day. On top of all that.. my period was extremely heavy! Yikes!!!
And then, mammogram! Nooo way. Yes, I've been postponing it since last August, knew very well it had to be done, but there were days when I simply forgot, and another few days and weeks when I chose to ignore it. Mammogram was clear, not at all as bad as I had thought. Uncomfortable, yes. I nearly passed out when they were taking the oblique views, but it was really over so quickly that I had to "time" to pass out. I could have taken Brufen or Tylenol or something beforehand, but it all happened so suddenly. I went to have a chat with radiologist and all of a sudden I found myself in the "mammo room". I had a chat with another patient, who was very clearly alive, breasts not crushed, not in pain, not attempting to get out the department as soon as possible. Feeling encouraged, I went and had it done. It is worse than blood test, but absolutely not worse that pap smear. Definitely an option, when it comes to choosing whether to break my arm or having mammogram. I'll take the mammogram. I never thought I'd say this.

I guess it's like giving birth, that experience of labor, you forget it eventually, when you see the "result"- baby. I also find most of the days without Synthroid are slowly disappearing into shadows and I don't recall what that fatigue was really like. Was it really that bad..? Well yes, when I felt bed was no longer an option, that I had to rest on the floor, yes it was bad.
I questioned the need of thyroid scans, all these without my meds and lack of follow-up. My TSH dropped down to 127 and no one thought it is necessary to call me and ask if I am ok. Thanks be to God my husband, co-workers and friends were around, even though husband travels frequently and does not stay at home for long periods of time.
Once the Scan number 1 was done, I called the good old endocrine doc and said I'm starting Synthroid TODAY, no matter what, and I did.
Right now endocrine doc is waiting for tumor marker blood results and I feel he is dragging his feet and waiting for what... miracle..? Something that would say the scan was wrong and there is no activity at all. He is in denial..? Aww poor man.

He has most gorgeous eyelashes.

I did not "survive" those six weeks with his eyelashes in my mind.
I got out of the house, I rode the horses, I took yoga classes at home in front of the TV. I slept, I cried, I laughed, I watched cartoons and DVD's. I talked to people and horses, not really remembering a lot of those conversations.. I'd have loved to have stamina and courage to stay 100% with it, physically and mentally fit, but no, I could not do it.
6 weeks eventually comes to an end..