Keep ur hands off my stuff

One day at work I had a peek in to the recycling bin and surprise, surprise discovered my glass. First I thought it must have broken, that's why it was in there. But no, it was as intact as it ever had been and I knew someone (always that SOMEONE) had placed it in the bottom of the bin. My drinking glass, the only one I had left. There were three similar glasses, same design, but two of them had broken long time ago. So it's just "a glass", but it's mine and it may have sentimental value. So don't touch my stuff, simply don't. Yeah, tell me about it. Someone must have panicked for whatever reason and poor glass (my bloody glass!) somehow landed in the recycling. It is a mystery. Kind of.
I could share numerous stories about disappearing milk etc too, but it would be kind of boring. That refrigerator in the office kitchen would have more stories to tell for sure.
Just don't throw my property into recycling guys. Please.

Kwabs - Walk (Official Video)

Few more days

2014 has almost gone, another year gone and I am left wondering how days and weeks pass by like this. Question is have I really lived and been aware of each passing moment? Kundalini Yoga and meditation used to return me back on the ground, make me more self-aware and live in the moment. I can't say that I've been 100% fully aware of the days and weeks of 2014. Some days are more intense and require 100% presence. Some are not. My horse has taught me to be present. If my thoughts and mind drift away while I am riding, the horse knows this right away and uses this to her advantage. I thought I am riding a 20m circle, but it turns out to be a 10m oval shaped circle. Then I wonder what the hell happened. Oh yeah. I was once again in another time and space continuum.
One of my favorite restaurants, where I used to go for dates with this guy, is closing soon. Well, perhaps not so soon, but my mind has convinced me it could be any time soon. Next week. In reality it will probably close sometime mid 2015. It's a real shame, because this restaurant has been around for many years and has served some real delicious dinners there, along with some good memories of that awesome guy. Time is an illusion they say, and it seems as if I was just having dinner with him yesterday when in fact it was few years ago now.
Change is inevitable, no matter how hard I resist. When I was having breakfast this morning, I thought it's best to just let go and let God deal with this.
2015 brings new opportunities again. Each breath, each day is precious.

Frostrósir (loga á ný)

Supersized insults

Person S: "Where you've been?"
Me: "On sick leave. I had hysterectomy."
Person S: "Oh reallyyyyy? And did you have abortion as well...?"
Me: "Hmmmm. What ?!? But yeah, for your information, yes I did have hysterectomy."

"S" stands for STUPID.

Selected few lines here"
"Hey why are you so big?"
"Hey have you ever seen how big your backside is?"
"Madam, you are too fat."
"You are a weirdo."
"You have a weird haircut."

I believe there are more, way too many to list here. Some people have made it their mission to insult others, some insults are worse than others, but that "abortion" is just over the top. C'mon! Watch what you say, because this shit was total garbage. Rest assured, that person, who said it, will have their own battle one day. Naming and shaming would be awesome, but this is not the time or place.

Insults

Some people are just incredible. They don't even know you, yet they feel it's their birthright to make comments about your appearance, weight, BMI ratio, make-up (or lack of), clothes, how you walk and talk. Insults fly from one corner to another and there is always like-minded person, who joins in. I know a girl, who was told she is fat and next day she stopped eating. She actually had a very athletic body, it was just the scale and the person, who operated the scale that caused this huge misunderstanding. Three or four months later there was nothing much of this previously healthy and happy girl. She lost all muscle mass, that tiny bit of fat she still had had, and turned into an anorectic skeleton. The scale operator had no words, when she saw the girl that time. Thank God the girl still had it in her and she told the stupid scale operator AKA school nurse that she was the one to blame for the massive weight loss. Few careless words was all it took.
Well that girl definitely was not me, because I have no willpower to stop eating and I'd not want to, because I love my food. I've also been told numerous times about my size and shape, even thought I fit in majority of 12-14 clothes. Too small, too tall, too heavy, too whatever. There is always someone ready to criticize, you can count on that. There is always a comeback too: I pull my "cancer card" out and tell them to get a life, or get cancer like I once did. Did you just undergo a major operation? Hell yeah. Were you bullied at school? I was. Were you bullied at work? Yes. Are you a cancer survivor? Yes. Can you ignore those insults and let them fly over your head into God only knows where? Absolutely. I can.
I try to avoid making assumptions about people's IQ, their manners and nature related to their outer appearance. It's just not something that correlates very well. You never know what is happening in that person's life right there and then. One insult from your mouth can be the one that destroys that person's life. If it does, shame on you and all of us, who let that happen. Animals don't do this, why do humans have to?
Of course I have insulted people in various ways. I've been rude, annoying, in a bad mood, depressed, non-talkative. I've said multiple wrong words and then was left wondering where I went wrong. Instant feedback such as kick in the butt would do it, then I would know when I have flown off the handle. I don't go out on purpose looking at people, wondering if I consider them normal or fat or too skinny.
I definitely have called people idiots or stupid and something even worse. Straight into their faces, if it was very very necessary and would have possibly saved my life. Or something as serious as that. In traffic, when someone drives like a maniac I think it is well justified if one wants to shout abuse as long as they don't take it out in the open.
It's difficult to take words back once they have been said, so I tend to keep my mouth shut. It will never cease to amaze me how insulting others is like a daily bread for some. That's when it's good to remember the centuries old adage: "What goes around, comes around".

Iceland revisited

More hazards...

I thought I'd not have to bring up traffic issues, driving behaviors etc anymore, but how wrong I was. It's disgusting how people drive. Not everyone, some are brilliant drivers. This time it's just from the point of view of someone, who walks every day.
I walk 4-5km, takes me less than an hour in an ideal world. Would it not be those speeding cars and those, who feel there is no need to use the signal, so that others have to keep on guessing where this person and his massive SUV are about to turn. Even pedestrian crossings don't help in saving poor walker's life. When I first started walking again after the operation, I found a route around the block, on the sidewalk and there was no need to cross the road. I was safe.. so I thought anyway. A so-called taxi service car tried to kill me on one of those crosswalks today. I could not read the driver AKA idiot's mind and he was about to turn right, when I was in the middle of the road. Just inches to spare. I saw his face, but did not get the license plate number. Another vehicle full of "employees" of some company signaled right, but because I was already on my way and crossing the road, couple of steps short of the sidewalk, I thought I could just carry on. These guys in their old crappy pick-up take the turn on two wheels and almost roll over. Slowing down would have been the best option. Well, that;'s just my opinion.

Then I realized I can walk further and further each day. Mistake. Multiply these incidents I described above by three, and you get the picture: no one wants to slow down. That makes me want to scream and take a photo of the offending vehicle+driver. Yeah and call the police.

Another thing: headlights. I don't know how this is related to color of the car, but it seems the darker the color, the less likelihood that the headlights are on. It must be an awful challenge to switch those lights on or not knowing where/how to switch the lights on. Ask your neighbor.

These are the reasons that adds up to 15 minutes to my walk, but each time I am glad I am back home in one piece. It's definitely a worry now that days get darker so soon, but drivers don't realize there are few things for them to do. People, who walk outside, will have to think about their safety very carefully. Be visible in traffic and practice defensive walking. I guess those who run, can get out of the way much faster.

After hysterectomy

I begin to remember some events from the hospital, from under the cloud of mind altering substances.
- Time was slipping by.
- Some people came to see me. I guess I said I was ok. Ok all the time.
- Bumped into two doctors I know in the corridor. I was still under influence and can't remember what I said in response to unsaid questions of "how are you" and "what an earth happened to you".
- Friend of mine brought me flowers and chocolate. I don't remember a word I said to her. 
I hope I said "thank you" at least.
- In the following morning I was asked to sit down on the chair next to my bed. I was in no mood for debate, and said NO. This was infuriating. Not with Foley catheter and that damn pack still in place. Nurse with good intentions and negotiation skills disappeared into thin air. I think I took another dose of MSO4 wishing to sleep.
- Injection of Enoxaparin: by now lesson had been learned and no one engaged into deeper conversation with me. Injection was destined to land in my thigh, not anywhere near abdomen. Because I said so.
- Pain management nurse and her entourage appeared from nowhere later in the morning. A member of entourage asked me what book I was reading, what language was it. Icelandic dude.
- The very best moment was when I went home. I can't remember how I got in to my friend's car (walked, yes, I think I did) and how we got back to my house, but we made it in one piece.

Piece of cake, I think now, because time has passed and memories fade. It was not easy, fun, comfortable. It was bearable, because of painkillers. They kept coming, I did not have to ask. Two days in hospital was not bad, and I spent the first day laying in bed anyway in various states of consciousness. Not something I want to repeat any time soon. Life as patient in hospital is not life. It's a miserable existence

Iceland again