November 24, 2008

It's the thought

My back is breaking, but it isn't broken just yet. It just feels that way, when the sleep does not come, the bed feels uncomfortable, it is either too hot or too cold. Disbelief, alarm clock at 0510am- did I sleep after all? The same feeling; shattered, broken and fatigued. Time to slow down..
  1. Relax and sleep
  2. Listen to music
  3. Enjoy the sun and cold winter mornings
  4. Ask God, it always works
Every day is yours, use it the way you like, but don't abuse it.
When the sleep does not come, I remember a lot of negative stuff; how the boss shouted and screamed and made me cry. How my co-worker was busy pointing her finger at my mistakes and by then I had had enough and left. Not literally to the left, but waved good-bye and found myself in a new environment. These days, I do not tolerate abuse, the threshold is now extremely low. All this reflects on the quality of life and things become unbearably miserable when work and life in general sucks. One can read so many self-help guides and have counseling and hypnotherapy... one day, MIRACLE, you have traveled from A to B and you have arrived. All what is in the past stays there and does no longer surface. At least not each and every day.
I don't have to feel low and miserable. I'm not inferior to the guy next to me. I choose the life I lead, I choose the people I spend my time with. I trust in God and leave bigger issues in life for God. I don't feel the need to constantly please people, observing them observe me and my actions and reactions.

It would be just great if every day was about being human, kind, caring, relaxed, assertive when necessary, finding a friendly word for everyone.. one of my colleagues told me it is just about creating this warm comfortable space around you, and letting this attract people with similar qualities.. Days like this, empty pages in the weblog- I feel I'm getting closer and closer of understanding all this.. ALL and EVERYTHING.

No comments: