March 08, 2014


Boarding an airplane, the more distance you gain between you and your point of departure, the less you remember. Belief that life only exists in the point of arrival. Whatever existed before, is not really there at all. Great if there is something or someone you have to forget and you can't bear to leave them. Coping mechanism.. perhaps?
What if you have lived someplace else for years and years, and all of a sudden find yourself in a situation that you have to leave once again? Pack your stuff, depart and forget about what life was like in the past 10 or so years. Protect yourself by forgetting and denying that life what it once was did not really exist at all.
I went to special advance screening of the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know" in Leicester Square, London in 2004. Something I read reminded me of this movie today. Having suffered yet another severe headache (migraine?) attack yesterday made me question why stress levels are all time high, why I frequently think about past, why can't I let go of the thought that I have to change in some unknown level?
Ok, I started watching this film, and because I have trouble concentrating, I found that not much of it makes sense. That part that made sense gave me just enough food for thought to see there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am filling my days with activities that do not add value into my life anymore. Pointless activities, that put my life on hold rather than giving any sense of satisfaction. I've let certain people become overly important and influential, and found that I can't even function without them. As an escape I think long haul flight would help me cope and make me forget, as it has done on numerous occasions.
I would hate the thought of having to pack and move again. In my present fragile state I can't and don't want to think about that at all.
From this reality to back to highrise building in the vicinity of Elephant&Castle shopping center? Back into commuting to work by underground train, back to endless weekend parties in the Ministry of Sound?
See, I still remember where I once was. Now, living in present is the challenge.

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