Ok it seems blood tests need to be repeated again and thyroid antibodies better be where they belong, i.e. undetectable. Who needs antibodies in their lives?
August 24, 2009
24 hours of sleep
Incredible tiredness, all I want to do is to sleep. Endo told me to increase Synthroid dose, and at first I felt it actually made a difference. But now, I could sleep 24 hours a day. I am off to vacation late September, by then I'd love to be able to do something else than just sleep.
Ok it seems blood tests need to be repeated again and thyroid antibodies better be where they belong, i.e. undetectable. Who needs antibodies in their lives?
Ok it seems blood tests need to be repeated again and thyroid antibodies better be where they belong, i.e. undetectable. Who needs antibodies in their lives?
August 23, 2009
Emergency Wars Part 1
Not mafia, vampire or dragon wars. Not star wars either.
Here's the scenario: two people, one of them a mafia wars hero on level 343. The other one, possibly an ordinary warrior, who is about to lose the fight, because the mafia hero has brought with her a powerful army of weapons, soldiers, armor, vehicles- just like in the very real mafia wars in facebook: machine guns, rifles, cannons, flak jackets. Excellent results, proven results in everyday mafia fights.
The ordinary warrior alone against "El Capitan" will certainly lose, El Capitan with or without her army.
Only this time it is a verbal attack, even though El Capitan feels like few muskets and body armor would not go to waste in this case. Verbal attacks becomes unbearably violent, words and sentences flying across the room, and it is clear none of the fighters are ready to lose. You ain't got the last word here. The warrior thinks she has won, but no, it is too early to come into any conclusions. El Capitan has the right words in her head, she writes them down and deciphers an accusatory note, defending herself and her invisible army, tells it like it is, there are no innocent parties in this war. The war is not over yet, El Capitan knows it, the Warrior knows it too.
Words are powerful, they can cut the heart open, they can heal, they can cure, they can be formed into mightiest insult. At times one may be a master of words, at another time it is a real challenge to find the right words. Sometimes thoughts form into words and without thinking, they just slip out and there is no way of taking them back.
El Capitan may still win, but 50-50 result would not be too bad either, not in this case.
A lot is at stake here. Whole life, house, job, fiancee, travel, pets. Win or lose that is the question.
Here's the scenario: two people, one of them a mafia wars hero on level 343. The other one, possibly an ordinary warrior, who is about to lose the fight, because the mafia hero has brought with her a powerful army of weapons, soldiers, armor, vehicles- just like in the very real mafia wars in facebook: machine guns, rifles, cannons, flak jackets. Excellent results, proven results in everyday mafia fights.
The ordinary warrior alone against "El Capitan" will certainly lose, El Capitan with or without her army.
Only this time it is a verbal attack, even though El Capitan feels like few muskets and body armor would not go to waste in this case. Verbal attacks becomes unbearably violent, words and sentences flying across the room, and it is clear none of the fighters are ready to lose. You ain't got the last word here. The warrior thinks she has won, but no, it is too early to come into any conclusions. El Capitan has the right words in her head, she writes them down and deciphers an accusatory note, defending herself and her invisible army, tells it like it is, there are no innocent parties in this war. The war is not over yet, El Capitan knows it, the Warrior knows it too.
Words are powerful, they can cut the heart open, they can heal, they can cure, they can be formed into mightiest insult. At times one may be a master of words, at another time it is a real challenge to find the right words. Sometimes thoughts form into words and without thinking, they just slip out and there is no way of taking them back.
El Capitan may still win, but 50-50 result would not be too bad either, not in this case.
A lot is at stake here. Whole life, house, job, fiancee, travel, pets. Win or lose that is the question.
August 13, 2009
There is always hope!
| "Factors | Score |
|---|---|
| distant Metastasis: Did the tumor spread to other parts of the body outside of the region of the neck? | yes = 3 no = 0 |
| Age at the time the tumor was found | Less than 39 years = 3.1 over 40 = 0.08 x age |
| Invasion: Did the surgeon see that the tumor had extended beyond the thyroid into other regions of the neck? | yes = 1 no = 0 |
| Completeness of resection: Were there parts of the tumor that the surgeon was unable to remove (for example a part that was attached to the windpipe)? | yes = 1 no = 0 |
| Size of tumor (measured by the pathologist) | 0.3 x size in cm |
Once the score for each factor is calculated, they are added up to get a total MAICS score and this total predicts the likelihood that the patient will live 20 years from the time the tumor was discovered. Fortunately most patients fall into the low risk category (MAICS score less than 6.0) and are cured of the cancer at the time of surgery.
| 20-year survival rate according to MAICS score | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|
| MAICS Score | <> | 6.0 - 6.99 | 7.0 - 7.99 | > 8.0 |
| 20 yr Survival | 99% | 89% | 56% | 24%" |
Recently I found this extraordinarily fine website by Columbia University Medical Center, NY- and I am not saying this just because it is by far the only website giving me the exact answer I have been looking for. Do I Have Any Hope Left? I knew the answer all along, of course there is hope, but part me wanted to see it as numerical information, which in a way makes it easier to comprehend. Numbers are numbers 123456789 and so on, and one of may just bypass all statistics, live longer, much longer than anyone could predict, and when I hear of such an event, I say thanks be to God- doctors were wrong with their prediction
I have not heard or seen doctors here using MAICS score, but it probably is not something brand new?
Another question is thyroglobulin; and the following website:
http://www.doctorslounge.com/endocrinology/articles/thyroid/thyroglobulin_cancer/index.htm
clarified this somewhat.
My endocrine doc does not really give clear answers regarding thyroglobulin and I have stopped asking. Instead I am on a hunt to find a new endocrine doc, who can actually concentrate on one task at the time. Answer questions, admitting it if he/she does not know the answer. The present one knows me, but not well enough hehee :-)
Cancer issue pops up each day at work, most of the time they are my clients, but they remind me of how fragile life really is.
July 26, 2009
July 21, 2009
July 07, 2009
July 03, 2009
Did you say it?
"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow." -Meredith Grey
June 28, 2009
Is the grass greener on the other side?
Uncertainty of life and people and work.. Especially work..
Then I begin wondering what else is there. Where else to go? Caribbean? Asia? Europe? Australia?
I am a world traveler. Somewhat less nowadays, but my mind does not settle. It keeps working and burning lot of nervous energy.
Then I begin wondering what else is there. Where else to go? Caribbean? Asia? Europe? Australia?
I am a world traveler. Somewhat less nowadays, but my mind does not settle. It keeps working and burning lot of nervous energy.
Colonoscopy survival guide
I had a colonoscopy done recently, it was something that needed to be done, but I was not too keen.. I didn't know what to expect, until the preparations got underway. They probably vary from one hospital/clinic to another, but in general it is all the same: clear the intestines. My friend told me to think about it as a free colonic irrigation.. Yeah.
According to Wikipedia, this is the definition of the procedure: "Colonoscopy is the endoscopic examination of the large colon and the distal part of the small bowel with a CCD camera or a fiber optic camera on a flexible tube passed through the anus. It may provide a visual diagnosis (e.g. ulceration, polyps) and grants the opportunity for biopsy or removal of suspected lesions."
The day before I wasn't eating any solid foods, in fact I was dreading this cleansing procedure and had no appetite at all- at the end this was good, as nothing much "came out". GoLytely is the name of the awful foul tasting cocktail, that needs to be mixed with water and "flavoring". Adding orange flavor does not make it orange juice, but to make it 0.05% easier, store the cocktail in the fridge. According to the manufacturers, the solution is then more "palatable". 4 liters of palatable solution. I began drinking at 4pm and continued until after 6pm. After that no glass of that stuff went down however hard I tried, but by then I had already drank 3/4 of the contents and decided it MUST be enough. Yuck!
If one can find something distacting to do, such as watching a movie, Grey's anatomy, Facebook, it greatly helps in this task. If not, well, then it's staring at the plastic container, wondering what poison it contains.. potassium, NaCl, sodium bicarbonate, PEG..? But for sure it works! Be near the restroom, or if you cannot, if you are stuck in front of the computer screen playing Vapire Wars in Facebook, then ensure you are wearing a diaper or something similar. When it's time to go, then it really is. The goal is to get it all "clear", until no fecal matter is left in the intestines.
To be honest I thought I'd suffer more, but all I had was nausea, which got worse the more glasses I had emptied, and three quarters of the stuff had been consumed. During the evening and night restroom became my best friend. My previous every-day diarrhea episodes were even worse, so this time the challenge was to drink without throwing up. Such a bad taste! Apple juice/GoLyte and so on, drinking one sip of each, it was working for a while. On top of that, 3 Dulcolax tablets, laxatives, need I say more.
One the day itself I went to hospital feeling a bit weak and shaky. I didn't really sleep, and felt hungry and thirsty and just hmmm.. a bit nervous- isn't that normal..? At least I bravely made it to the hospital. Changed into a gown (leave the socks on), no fancy underwear needed. No high heels, no make up, because when you are upset and cry, make up won't last. No one's going to notice anyway, all attention is drawn to the long black endoscope (is that thing going to enter my body..? no way!!) and most of us look the same in a hospital gown anyway. Stay warm and ask for an extra blanket. I did. My blood pressure was high and heart was about to jump out of the chest (are you anxious..?), even more when they wheeled me into the "torture chamber". Sterile white walls, monitors, bright lights, all kinds of weird stuff that makes one wonder what it is for. Hospital in general make me nervous and this time was no exception. One of the technicians called me "sensitive"- well how would you like to swap places with me I asked, and she was quiet, what to reply to that question, both us knowing I am the patient, she is not.
During the procedure I was asleep and honestly did not remember anything! I don't know how long it lasted, what happened, if I was in pain, if I was restless.. I don't know. Sedation is the key thing, without that I wouldn't have lasted long. That's just me, maybe in some places they are not that generous with sedation, but my personal threshold for pain and discomfort is not that high and if sedation is offered, then Great. Yes please. Pre-procedure tension was definitely there, no matter what people say "relax, take it easy", it's just not going to happen. Post-procedure I felt I was anxious for nothing but as always when it is something unknown (and seeing the endoscope itself did nothing to lift my spirits..), that just to way it goes. I don't know if it gets easier if one needs to go for the 2nd or 3rd colonoscopy, for me, I think I'd be doing the exact same, getting anxious, upset etc. Funny enough, the thought of embarrassment was the least of my worries, probably because the staff received me so well, treated me professionally (apart from that tech who called me sensitive- well think about swapping places and HOW would you feel..?), with sense of humor too.
On a scale 1-10 (10 being the worst imaginable) this procedure lands in somewhere between 5-6. Pre-procedure anxiety and drinking the GoLytely achieved score 9. Sedation, which wiped an uncomfortable memory out of my mind scores 10. In fact, sedation made me feel colonoscopy never happened, therefore scoring the procedure does not feel justified, as if it never existed, it was never done.
There are always worse procedures, and easier ones, but each of us at the end react in a different way and that's just how it is. Had someone else written this, it could have, and would have been same in some parts, or not at all similar. If my writing might encourage someone, then great. But if you've gotta go for colonoscopy, go, don't leave it just because you read someone (=coward)'s story- it might not be the same at all, probably won't be.
La vida es corta..
According to Wikipedia, this is the definition of the procedure: "Colonoscopy is the endoscopic examination of the large colon and the distal part of the small bowel with a CCD camera or a fiber optic camera on a flexible tube passed through the anus. It may provide a visual diagnosis (e.g. ulceration, polyps) and grants the opportunity for biopsy or removal of suspected lesions."
The day before I wasn't eating any solid foods, in fact I was dreading this cleansing procedure and had no appetite at all- at the end this was good, as nothing much "came out". GoLytely is the name of the awful foul tasting cocktail, that needs to be mixed with water and "flavoring". Adding orange flavor does not make it orange juice, but to make it 0.05% easier, store the cocktail in the fridge. According to the manufacturers, the solution is then more "palatable". 4 liters of palatable solution. I began drinking at 4pm and continued until after 6pm. After that no glass of that stuff went down however hard I tried, but by then I had already drank 3/4 of the contents and decided it MUST be enough. Yuck!
If one can find something distacting to do, such as watching a movie, Grey's anatomy, Facebook, it greatly helps in this task. If not, well, then it's staring at the plastic container, wondering what poison it contains.. potassium, NaCl, sodium bicarbonate, PEG..? But for sure it works! Be near the restroom, or if you cannot, if you are stuck in front of the computer screen playing Vapire Wars in Facebook, then ensure you are wearing a diaper or something similar. When it's time to go, then it really is. The goal is to get it all "clear", until no fecal matter is left in the intestines.
To be honest I thought I'd suffer more, but all I had was nausea, which got worse the more glasses I had emptied, and three quarters of the stuff had been consumed. During the evening and night restroom became my best friend. My previous every-day diarrhea episodes were even worse, so this time the challenge was to drink without throwing up. Such a bad taste! Apple juice/GoLyte and so on, drinking one sip of each, it was working for a while. On top of that, 3 Dulcolax tablets, laxatives, need I say more.
One the day itself I went to hospital feeling a bit weak and shaky. I didn't really sleep, and felt hungry and thirsty and just hmmm.. a bit nervous- isn't that normal..? At least I bravely made it to the hospital. Changed into a gown (leave the socks on), no fancy underwear needed. No high heels, no make up, because when you are upset and cry, make up won't last. No one's going to notice anyway, all attention is drawn to the long black endoscope (is that thing going to enter my body..? no way!!) and most of us look the same in a hospital gown anyway. Stay warm and ask for an extra blanket. I did. My blood pressure was high and heart was about to jump out of the chest (are you anxious..?), even more when they wheeled me into the "torture chamber". Sterile white walls, monitors, bright lights, all kinds of weird stuff that makes one wonder what it is for. Hospital in general make me nervous and this time was no exception. One of the technicians called me "sensitive"- well how would you like to swap places with me I asked, and she was quiet, what to reply to that question, both us knowing I am the patient, she is not.
During the procedure I was asleep and honestly did not remember anything! I don't know how long it lasted, what happened, if I was in pain, if I was restless.. I don't know. Sedation is the key thing, without that I wouldn't have lasted long. That's just me, maybe in some places they are not that generous with sedation, but my personal threshold for pain and discomfort is not that high and if sedation is offered, then Great. Yes please. Pre-procedure tension was definitely there, no matter what people say "relax, take it easy", it's just not going to happen. Post-procedure I felt I was anxious for nothing but as always when it is something unknown (and seeing the endoscope itself did nothing to lift my spirits..), that just to way it goes. I don't know if it gets easier if one needs to go for the 2nd or 3rd colonoscopy, for me, I think I'd be doing the exact same, getting anxious, upset etc. Funny enough, the thought of embarrassment was the least of my worries, probably because the staff received me so well, treated me professionally (apart from that tech who called me sensitive- well think about swapping places and HOW would you feel..?), with sense of humor too.
On a scale 1-10 (10 being the worst imaginable) this procedure lands in somewhere between 5-6. Pre-procedure anxiety and drinking the GoLytely achieved score 9. Sedation, which wiped an uncomfortable memory out of my mind scores 10. In fact, sedation made me feel colonoscopy never happened, therefore scoring the procedure does not feel justified, as if it never existed, it was never done.
There are always worse procedures, and easier ones, but each of us at the end react in a different way and that's just how it is. Had someone else written this, it could have, and would have been same in some parts, or not at all similar. If my writing might encourage someone, then great. But if you've gotta go for colonoscopy, go, don't leave it just because you read someone (=coward)'s story- it might not be the same at all, probably won't be.
La vida es corta..
June 19, 2009
Bad for good
Drivers.. once again I feel I have to mention few remarkable (not) driving performances:
- speed limit 70mph, and still there are those who feel they have to drive 50mph or less. they are not bothered by my flashing headlights, and that is all I have done so far. No honking the horn, no rude gestures.. yet. I'm not planning to speed, but if 70 is allowed then let me drive 70. There are two lanes, the right one traditionally for "slower moving vehicles" and the left for faster ones. Ask me why I did not overtake.. well, I don't have answer to that, but previously, every time, slower moving vehicle has moved out of the way therefore not requiring me to change from one lane to another.
- one incredible parking performance. one chap reversed just into the parking spot in front of our car and left us few inches to get our car out. This was next to sidewalk. Well we barely got out, but not before this chap got out of the car. Yellow-blue T-shirt, kind of a loser-looking guy carrying an Adidas plastic carrier bag. Needless to say he did not get his car parked correctly, it was half way out on the road, so I hope the representatives of law caught him in the act.
- once again, losers can't find the way to indicate they want to turn LEFT or RIGHT. If the indicator function is not working in the car, or one cannot find it, just point a flag outside the window and indicate which way you are going. Idiotas estupidos. How an earth did they get drivers licences..?
Good old diarrhea, it's never-ending. Burger King hamburger meal caused so many cramps and pain that I might not eat at BK for sometime. Until my intestines calm down. Cramps woke me up at night several times.. Each time I manage to prepare my own meals (fish- occasionally chicken, rice, pasta, all with minimum of spices and oil) I feel better and get through the day. Eating hamburgers etc is okay, but I've got to pay the price later.
- speed limit 70mph, and still there are those who feel they have to drive 50mph or less. they are not bothered by my flashing headlights, and that is all I have done so far. No honking the horn, no rude gestures.. yet. I'm not planning to speed, but if 70 is allowed then let me drive 70. There are two lanes, the right one traditionally for "slower moving vehicles" and the left for faster ones. Ask me why I did not overtake.. well, I don't have answer to that, but previously, every time, slower moving vehicle has moved out of the way therefore not requiring me to change from one lane to another.
- one incredible parking performance. one chap reversed just into the parking spot in front of our car and left us few inches to get our car out. This was next to sidewalk. Well we barely got out, but not before this chap got out of the car. Yellow-blue T-shirt, kind of a loser-looking guy carrying an Adidas plastic carrier bag. Needless to say he did not get his car parked correctly, it was half way out on the road, so I hope the representatives of law caught him in the act.
- once again, losers can't find the way to indicate they want to turn LEFT or RIGHT. If the indicator function is not working in the car, or one cannot find it, just point a flag outside the window and indicate which way you are going. Idiotas estupidos. How an earth did they get drivers licences..?
Good old diarrhea, it's never-ending. Burger King hamburger meal caused so many cramps and pain that I might not eat at BK for sometime. Until my intestines calm down. Cramps woke me up at night several times.. Each time I manage to prepare my own meals (fish- occasionally chicken, rice, pasta, all with minimum of spices and oil) I feel better and get through the day. Eating hamburgers etc is okay, but I've got to pay the price later.
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