My latest post gave no credit to BA, and I swore I'd never ever fly with them. Unfortunately, or fortunately, whichever way we'd like to think about it, my flight was a codeshare flight between BA and few other OneWorld airlines. So I had no choice, hop on aboard and fly. I arrived, my luggage arrived and I was happy. Yeah, I alomost forgot, it's strictly business, just one piece of luggage allowed to be checked-in, if you insist on checking in another one it will cost £35 per bag. Still, it is good bye BA, I'd look for other alternatives, even traveling on a boat would be a better option.. Besides, the alternative airline this time was cheaper! A lot cheaper.
Security was a hard chore, removed my boots and jacket and was I just imagining it, but the chap at the security checkpoint appeared disappointed when it turned out I was not carrying metal objects or weapons of any kind. Well, I am not clever enough to even think of inventing a shoe bomb or anything like that. So they had to let me and my bags go in peace.
Vacations are awesome, it takes few days to forget all about work etc but the brain finally gets the message and the vacation has begun!
It feels perfectly safe being in another environment, in different parts of the world and my vacation this time will take me in four countries, kind of a race against time.
All that's not part of this environment, stays away; insomnia, cancer, failed relationships, diet Pepsi, hoofbeats, scorching burning heat and the sun and many more. I've refrained from checking work e-mails.
Months ago me and hubby were watching Mrs Doubtfire, and so totally immersed in the movie that the rest of the world seemed so far away. Not just because me and Mrs D have few things in common, but because it was such fun and great entertainment. I feel a bit like living in Mrs Doubtfire world right now, rest of the world nowhere to be found, safe in a cocoon, nothing bad can happen.
April 04, 2010
March 29, 2010
Dedicated to the thyroid gland
Dear Thyroid,
It has been more than two years since you left me.
You were misbehaving for almost 10 years, if not more, so I needed to make arrangements for your "removal". It was not easy to make you leave me, but the decision of making that happen was veryyyy easy for me. Very much so. You grew bigger, smaller, huge, large, then shrank again and I had no neck. You simply were a nuisance! Your were no longer called "thyroid", you had become an alien: goiter.
For the first time in my life I have a neck! There is just a small scar as proof that you once existed.
I do not miss you, but at times, very rarely wonder where you ended up. Probably somewhere in the trash bin- kind of a sad end, but I assure you it was the way to go.
You were part of me for many years, you'd think I miss you, but I do not.
Since you left, I have been replacing you with Synthroid, little white tablet. Hard to get the dose right, but I am surviving.
Fatigued, but surviving.
It has been more than two years since you left me.
You were misbehaving for almost 10 years, if not more, so I needed to make arrangements for your "removal". It was not easy to make you leave me, but the decision of making that happen was veryyyy easy for me. Very much so. You grew bigger, smaller, huge, large, then shrank again and I had no neck. You simply were a nuisance! Your were no longer called "thyroid", you had become an alien: goiter.
For the first time in my life I have a neck! There is just a small scar as proof that you once existed.
I do not miss you, but at times, very rarely wonder where you ended up. Probably somewhere in the trash bin- kind of a sad end, but I assure you it was the way to go.
You were part of me for many years, you'd think I miss you, but I do not.
Since you left, I have been replacing you with Synthroid, little white tablet. Hard to get the dose right, but I am surviving.
Fatigued, but surviving.
March 26, 2010
Arrivederci BA
Let that be the very last time I book any flights with British Airways.
They have just canceled my flight, and as a result all my other plans have been canceled too. Hotel bookings that cannot be canceled, are non refundable and altogether I have lost probably more than US$1000.
So it is good bye and adieu BA.
They have just canceled my flight, and as a result all my other plans have been canceled too. Hotel bookings that cannot be canceled, are non refundable and altogether I have lost probably more than US$1000.
So it is good bye and adieu BA.
March 22, 2010
White tail and other stories
From time to time things and events from the past just surface, just like that. I guess same happens to many of us, we could be doing anything and all of a sudden something funny/painful/embarrassing/ -fill the gap- comes into mind.
Starting from yesterday.
Paradise on earth- even though it is man-made: Ritz-Carlton in Bahrain. I spent few wonderful days there, doing absolutely nothing. Well, I had massage and facial, but did not need to do anything myself. Then I had a walk along the beach, which is just so lonely. Big city around, but still it feels so tranquil and serene, it's like being on another planet. Pink beautiful flamingos bathing in a small lake (pond?).
The hotel itself is amazing. All the rooms, no matter which part of the world they face, are luxurious, but of course it is much more exciting to be facing the seaside.
When I was recovering from thyroidectomy, not particularly in pain, but nauseous, in the recovery room. Anesthetist passes by and says "Give her Metoclopramide" (= which must be one of the most well-known antiemetics AKA anti-nausea meds). Yep, good idea for some, but I am allergic to it, so advice to this healthcare professional is check patient's file and other relevant information first and don't just offer your opinion of a patient who is NOT even YOURS!
If I knew or even remembered him, I'd give him a piece of my mind.
Trust your doctor, but not blindly. I think us patients know something more about our condition than a passerby, never mind he might be an almighty anesthetist.
Cancer memories aren't always bad- without it I wouldn't have met many of the people I know today.
Once upon a time.. very very long time ago I was at home, preparing to go to work. I had sprained my wrist, but there and then decided I need a shower and unwrapped and removed the bandage. After the shower it felt fine, so I thought bandage is no longer necessary. I could always re-apply it later. Off I went to the metro station. 1/2 mile walk.
At the station, I felt uncomfortable and kind of weird, because some people were looking at me.
Finally, one lady approached me and said "Err, have you noticed that you have a tail?"
Tail? Dogs and cats have one, but surely not humans.
She was pointing at my backside. 'Something white.. like a tail.." Yes!!!!! IT was the BANDAGE. The one I had just left home, or so I thought. Sticky tape, which I had forgotten, which held the bandage in place was now stuck on my butt. Thank God for the kind lady who pointed out I had a tail. I had carried it with me for more than 1/2 a mile and no one along the way found it weird that I have a long white tail.
Well, I felt that the tail's tale had come to an end and threw it into trash bin.
Starting from yesterday.
Paradise on earth- even though it is man-made: Ritz-Carlton in Bahrain. I spent few wonderful days there, doing absolutely nothing. Well, I had massage and facial, but did not need to do anything myself. Then I had a walk along the beach, which is just so lonely. Big city around, but still it feels so tranquil and serene, it's like being on another planet. Pink beautiful flamingos bathing in a small lake (pond?).
The hotel itself is amazing. All the rooms, no matter which part of the world they face, are luxurious, but of course it is much more exciting to be facing the seaside.
When I was recovering from thyroidectomy, not particularly in pain, but nauseous, in the recovery room. Anesthetist passes by and says "Give her Metoclopramide" (= which must be one of the most well-known antiemetics AKA anti-nausea meds). Yep, good idea for some, but I am allergic to it, so advice to this healthcare professional is check patient's file and other relevant information first and don't just offer your opinion of a patient who is NOT even YOURS!
If I knew or even remembered him, I'd give him a piece of my mind.
Trust your doctor, but not blindly. I think us patients know something more about our condition than a passerby, never mind he might be an almighty anesthetist.
Cancer memories aren't always bad- without it I wouldn't have met many of the people I know today.
Once upon a time.. very very long time ago I was at home, preparing to go to work. I had sprained my wrist, but there and then decided I need a shower and unwrapped and removed the bandage. After the shower it felt fine, so I thought bandage is no longer necessary. I could always re-apply it later. Off I went to the metro station. 1/2 mile walk.
At the station, I felt uncomfortable and kind of weird, because some people were looking at me.
Finally, one lady approached me and said "Err, have you noticed that you have a tail?"
Tail? Dogs and cats have one, but surely not humans.
She was pointing at my backside. 'Something white.. like a tail.." Yes!!!!! IT was the BANDAGE. The one I had just left home, or so I thought. Sticky tape, which I had forgotten, which held the bandage in place was now stuck on my butt. Thank God for the kind lady who pointed out I had a tail. I had carried it with me for more than 1/2 a mile and no one along the way found it weird that I have a long white tail.
Well, I felt that the tail's tale had come to an end and threw it into trash bin.
March 12, 2010
RAI brain
While writing this I am enjoying a slice of blueberry cheesecake and wondering how am I going to lose few more pounds before my vacation.. I probably won't.
One day last week I ate crisps, whole bag of salty crispy tasty crisps..
Ice cream, Aero chocolate.
One day last month I realized I had been taking double dose of Synthroid, because I did not "read the label" or the small print. That was the time when I had severe insomnia, 4-5 hour of sleep at night and I was really suffering at work.
Yoga practice has dried up too- how do I get back to it? My last two yoga teachers have been excellent, motivating and inspiring bunch of people. I can't inspire and uplift myself enough right now..
RAI or radioactive iodine; how does it affect our brain? Could I blame fatigue, lack of motivation and boredom on the RAI?
March 03, 2010
Imagine
If human body was designed invincible, that no disease, misfortune, accident would strike him/her, then hospitals would be totally unnecessary. All the healthcare personnel would be instantly unemployed- that includes me!
No cancer, heart disease, depression, obesity etc.
No tablets, operations, needles!
I like the idea.
No cancer, heart disease, depression, obesity etc.
No tablets, operations, needles!
I like the idea.
February 21, 2010
Nightmare
I am a sleep-walking zombie today.
Went to bed at 11pm last night, ended up reading horsey magazine for an hour and "slept" at midnight. Kept waking up almost every hour, and sometime in the early morning hours I had an awful nightmare: melanoma metastasized into brain. Was it me, I am not sure, but when I really woke up, feeling a bit fragile, at 11am, I had to check I have no extra scars or damage in my body. No, nothing.. Maybe I've seen enough craniotomies and such lately, and then the brain came in to my dream (nightmare)- uninvited, unwelcome.
I am off to see The Horse now, perhaps riding too if we both are in the mood.
Went to bed at 11pm last night, ended up reading horsey magazine for an hour and "slept" at midnight. Kept waking up almost every hour, and sometime in the early morning hours I had an awful nightmare: melanoma metastasized into brain. Was it me, I am not sure, but when I really woke up, feeling a bit fragile, at 11am, I had to check I have no extra scars or damage in my body. No, nothing.. Maybe I've seen enough craniotomies and such lately, and then the brain came in to my dream (nightmare)- uninvited, unwelcome.
I am off to see The Horse now, perhaps riding too if we both are in the mood.
February 10, 2010
Wear your seatbelt
Somehow men and machines don't match. Men might not have been created in riding fast cars, motorcycles, airplanes etc, at least not ALL men.. and women. While I was working in a busy trauma intensive care unit, I saw some horrific injuries. Not just broken bones, but much worse, just like in a horror movie. Wounds, bruises, missing limbs, brain contusions, spinal injuries, burns. Most of the injuries from car accidents,ignoring speed limits, not wearing seat belt. That's probably the worst part in here! Insurance may replace your car, but no one can give you your life back. Even an accident may not teach some fools anything at all.
Those speedy people should be given a horse and carriage instead. And those who are the cause of an accident, should lose their drivers license for the rest of their lives. But wear that seat belt, every time you drive, it may save your life.
Those speedy people should be given a horse and carriage instead. And those who are the cause of an accident, should lose their drivers license for the rest of their lives. But wear that seat belt, every time you drive, it may save your life.
February 07, 2010
No Sleep Part 2
Same old..
No sleep. I had a cup of coffee at 5pm, but this is almost six hours later and I can't sleep.
Today: movie "One Night Stand"- Wesley Snipes, Robert Downey Jr etc. Windy and cold outside. Had salad for dinner and I am definitely not feeling hungry/thirsty right now. Moved into new house last week, everything is arranged and organized, Facebook accessed several times, status updated and Farmville produce harvested.
I guess first I could do is get off line, let the computer rest and actually go to bed.
I no longer have nightmares of cancer as such. Last week I had a nightmare of a situation where "they" were attempting to insert an iv cannula into my poor quality veins and as usual, could not find one. Next step central line, and then I woke up wondering if it was just a dream. After inspecting my veins, I was convinced it was indeed a dream. Once, an anesthesia tech had to search and search for a vein, I think he got it after 4 attempts. Thanks be to God that he used Lidocaine local anesthesia to numb the skin. At that point I was so used to needles and cannulas and things that I didn't really feel anything, but if you asked me now, I'd say all sorts of sharp objects terrify me and I don't want them anywhere nearby. Can one get used to lab tests, injections, iv cannulas- all involving a sharp object..
I'm not so sure about that. But at some point everything, including my mind and body, became numb (and not just because of Lidocaine) and it's almost a viable option to leave the body until the painful procedure is over.
Weird and fascinating.
Somehow we all survive and live through all this, but have any of you developed a serious dislike of medical centers and everyone (almost) wearing a white coat?
This is what lack of sleep does to me.. Apologies.
No sleep. I had a cup of coffee at 5pm, but this is almost six hours later and I can't sleep.
Today: movie "One Night Stand"- Wesley Snipes, Robert Downey Jr etc. Windy and cold outside. Had salad for dinner and I am definitely not feeling hungry/thirsty right now. Moved into new house last week, everything is arranged and organized, Facebook accessed several times, status updated and Farmville produce harvested.
I guess first I could do is get off line, let the computer rest and actually go to bed.
I no longer have nightmares of cancer as such. Last week I had a nightmare of a situation where "they" were attempting to insert an iv cannula into my poor quality veins and as usual, could not find one. Next step central line, and then I woke up wondering if it was just a dream. After inspecting my veins, I was convinced it was indeed a dream. Once, an anesthesia tech had to search and search for a vein, I think he got it after 4 attempts. Thanks be to God that he used Lidocaine local anesthesia to numb the skin. At that point I was so used to needles and cannulas and things that I didn't really feel anything, but if you asked me now, I'd say all sorts of sharp objects terrify me and I don't want them anywhere nearby. Can one get used to lab tests, injections, iv cannulas- all involving a sharp object..
I'm not so sure about that. But at some point everything, including my mind and body, became numb (and not just because of Lidocaine) and it's almost a viable option to leave the body until the painful procedure is over.
Weird and fascinating.
Somehow we all survive and live through all this, but have any of you developed a serious dislike of medical centers and everyone (almost) wearing a white coat?
This is what lack of sleep does to me.. Apologies.
February 01, 2010
No sleep
Insomnia= many questions+no answers
10pm: bedtime.. but maybe not just yet.
11pm: no sleep.
11.30pm: still no sleep
midnight: bedtime, feeling tired, ready to sleep, but the mind and the thoughts are ever-present.
1 am: still awake
1.30am: get out of bed, watch TV. Count sheep, dogs, parrots. No sign of sleep.
3am: noooooo
4am: what if..
5am: alarm clock: time to wake up.
Ok, I did not sleep, but tonight I will go to bed early. Drink warm milk, take sleeping tablet, something, anything.
And stop thinking, because evening is not the time for questioning, making decisions, not just before bedtime anyway. At least it is my best intention, but what happens when the real bedtime arrives?
10pm: bedtime.. but maybe not just yet.
11pm: no sleep.
11.30pm: still no sleep
midnight: bedtime, feeling tired, ready to sleep, but the mind and the thoughts are ever-present.
1 am: still awake
1.30am: get out of bed, watch TV. Count sheep, dogs, parrots. No sign of sleep.
3am: noooooo
4am: what if..
5am: alarm clock: time to wake up.
Ok, I did not sleep, but tonight I will go to bed early. Drink warm milk, take sleeping tablet, something, anything.
And stop thinking, because evening is not the time for questioning, making decisions, not just before bedtime anyway. At least it is my best intention, but what happens when the real bedtime arrives?
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