Odd post

Today is the official "hate cancer" day.
My thoughts are darker and negative, therefore the blog post won't be long today.
Can't it be eradicated, could the same that happened to the dinosaurs happen to cancer too?
Au revoir cancer.

Le Tour Eiffel

To Bangkok and back

Carter is back in ER. After all of them old ER staff, Dr Greene, Carol, Dr Weaver etc left, the whole show felt empty. Then came Grey's anatomy, but now that Dr Carter is around, even for a short while, ER is back in my list of Top 10 things to do and see.

Eye surgery is just around the corner, question is when and where. Bangkok? It's one of the options, especially at the Bumrungrad Hospital. There are many more hospitals and doctors, whose scalpel will soon cut into my eye, so all I need is to make the right decision, decision that will save my eyesight.

Farmville keeps me entertained and provides an escape from reality. How wonderful would it be to live on a virtual farm, forget all about eye disease, headache, work and taxes.

Rednex - Wish you were here - Final Fantasy

Live for today

I feel sometimes that I have nothing, but I know that I have everything.
Living from one check-up, scan, blood test to another is no life, I've got to have something else to live for.
May 30 is getting closer, and that is another day of torture while I wait to hear the verdict.. melanoma or no melanoma.. Is it really truly possible to live like this, from one challenge and catastrophe to another, waiting to hear if life is for living or does it need to be stored away for some time?
Restless times around the world, same restlessness as inside my mind.

What if I had to give up all I have?
Where would I go to escape?

Time to take this seriously

.. face the fact that I have recovered from cancer, but to realize now there are other challenges ahead..
.. need to plan how to get the pterygium growth removed; when, where and how much?
.. fix my diet right now ensuring that I won't develop diabetes that requires insulin or tablets, that could be harder than hard to control. Just saying No to all sodas, chocolates, pastries.. and of course my beloved ice cream. Watch others enjoy them, but I'll probably never be able to touch them otherwise I get that terrible urge to hoard all the world's chocolates and ice creams into my house. And binge eat them all.

Sugar rush

Something weird happened today, something that has happened before, but it was just so much stronger today. Few years back in yoga teacher training we had healthy nutritious food all week, I felt fine with that, even though I could not grab my usual daily snacks and stuff that I used to eat without thinking. Somehow not even realizing I had opened refrigerator door and taking something out of there..
During this yogic week I realized it is very much possible to live with less food as long as it is nutritious. Plenty of water and tea. No caffeine, no sugar.
At the end of the week we had wedding celebration and wedding cake at the end. Tasty, very delicious and old habits die hard so I took one piece and second helping too when it was offered. Sugar went right into my head! I felt like I was drunk.

Earlier today I had a very similar experience after eating ice cream. Not a big portion, but almost immediately I felt lightheaded and nauseated. Ice cream no longer causes diarrhea, but acts in a very different new way. I don't know if I prefer this to diarrhea, but no one's asking me my opinion- just reminds me I'm not invincible. Can't choose, can't change the fact that sugar and me don't match. As we get older, diabetes or other stuff may not come as surprise. Poison singer Bret Michaels had brain hemorrhage, and he also has diabetes! He's also relatively young.

Sugar overload. Is this beginning of diabetes?

Let's fly again

- Next seat passenger had too many bags. Member of cabin crew asked him to store them under the seat. The bag was just too bulky to fit in anywhere! So he stored them on the window seat, then sat his even more bulky frame next to me. 3.5 hour flight was a struggle for survival of the fittest, i.e. who gains the armrest. At the end none of us did, but I got a taste of his elbow every time he adjusted seat belt, his position etc. A weird but wonderful fact of him was that he never really spoke, not a word. Quiet flight ahead I thought, until he requested a glass of water brought to him: "Sister, water!". Oh ok, he can talk then. He could talk ok, but he really could not figure out how to use the seat belt, so that gave me plenty of entertainment.
- At the end of the flight each and every passenger stood up, even before seat belt sign was switched off. ALL of them in a narrow corridor. I attempted to protect myself by holding onto laptop bag and managed then to avoid most of the elbows. Was I glad to get out of the aircraft.. Yes!! But at the same time have to be grateful I even got to fly- volcanic cloud kept most European airports closed for quite a while.

Stranded

Tomorrow is supposed to be the day when I fly to London, but it doesn't appear there is much hope of any flights departing.
Stranded, but not desperate (yet), but of course miss my hubby and the horse and will not travel without them ever again. Horse may not fit into suitcase, but I'll find a way :-)
One option I've been considering is carpooling to Central Europe, from there who knows.. Not sure how easy it is to get hotel rooms, book train/bus tickets etc, but I'll try. Aiming to Spain or Italy or Greece. Somewhere there.

Clean bill of health

Dentist: No cavities. Clean bill of health.
Ophthalmologist: Left eye is far-sighted and has astigmatism. Right eye normal. Left eye has a benign growth called pterygium. Wikipedia, ever so helpful, says: "Pterygium most often refers to a benign growth of the conjunctiva. A pterygium commonly grows from the nasal side of the sclera. It is associated with, and thought to be caused by ultraviolet-light exposure (e.g. sunlight), low humidity, and dust." So it is not melanoma or diabetic retinopathy.
It's not actually painful at all, I barely notice it, but it is there all right and made me wonder what alien growth I got in my eye. Treatment for the pterygium seems more complicated; Wikipedia talks about conjunctival auto-grafting, strontium therapy, mitomycin and amniotic membrane transplantation.
If anyone has any information about the treatment and/or can send me link to relevant website, I'd be most grateful.
Pterygium- a benign growth, but it is still somehow disturbing. The doc said it has "not invaded the optic area yet".. Not yet. What happens when it does?