Cancer story

My cancer picked wrong person, just like cancer always does, and many other diseases for that matter. Mine was follicular variant of thyroid cancer, such a fancy name, I thought it would be nice to have it printed on a T-shirt. Two operations and RAI, and I was supposed to be feeling as good as new. The doc said "this is one of the best cancers you could ever wish for"- yes, and what are the other cancer types that I could also wish for..??? He had no answer to that question- proving my theory right that doctors don't know everything after all. I felt very pleased with myself; my doc has limitations and knowledge gaps. I don't have the world's best/easiest cancer after all!
Thyroid scans and Synthroid followed, and it was incredibly challenging to find the right dose of Synthroid. 8 months after the second operation I developed severe chest and upper abdominal pain (What now!?!?) and I was admitted again. Fever, iv antibiotics, Morphine, constant nausea, vomiting went on for two days and ultrasound exam revealed I have gallstones. Three giant stones, and "hundreds" of small. How many stones can you squeeze in gallbladder? At least three giant, and hundreds, if not thousands of "small" stones? I begged the doctor to operate, and on a Friday morning I underwent a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Pathology report showed I had both acute and chronic inflammation of the gallbladder.
This all felt almost worse than the entire cancer episode! I had a JP drain in thyroidectomy incision, it came out easily, but not the one in the vicinity of the old bladder. Aaaarrrrgggghhh! One of the worst pains I could have imagined. But the drain is out and it is no longer part of me.

Cancer days are over, but it does not mean they have been forgotten. Thoughts of recurrence appear sometimes, especially when I go for check-ups. I had a chat with my oncologist two days ago, and he said he would be happy for me to pop in and see him once a year. He felt that recurrence would be very unlikely- and I am going to hang on to those words.

I am feeling ok, most of the time, no longer depressed as I was after the diagnosis and inbetween all the treatments and operations and scans and seemingly endless blood tests. The balance between hypo/hyperthyroidism is still difficult to find, I seem to slide between the two all the time, no matter how we try adjusting the dose. Crap! I feel much better without the thyroid, it was annoying me, but small white Synthroid tablets don't seem to work that well either.

Ong Namo by Siri Ganesh Kaur

Lana Del Rey - Born To Die

1920hrs

Nothing wrong with going to bed at twenty past seven in the evening..?
Probably not.
5 year "cancerversary" AKA anniversary is approching, it is just another month and a day away! 5 year anniversary warrants one more (fingers crossed) thyroid scan. In preparation I stopped Synthoid in early December and started Cytomel. Shortly afterward I began experiencing tremor; it started in my right had, middle finger and promptly proceeded to rest of the fingers. Right hand? Right. The one and only hand for using computer mouse and for many other countless tasks. Fatigue. Forgetfulness. I seem to be unable to remember what I was saying just a moment ago- these days I am writing everything down, all sort of instructions especially at work. I really have no desire getting into trouble because of poor memory, even though it is probably just short-term. And who says Cytomel is to blame? My memory has been ok, not excellent, but just fine, so Cytomel and fatigue and all other problems it has brought into my life, might be affecting memory too.
Dec 21 means just one thing: Discontinue Cytomel.
Party starts then.
I am sure I can beat short term hypothyroidism. The scan itself will take place in early January.

Am I worrying about possible recurrence? I may, but then memory issues take over and I could just easily forget I was worried moment ago. But honestly, I try my best not to worry.

Going to bed early sounds like a great idea- a fatigue fighter.

Ungrateful .....

Offer to help someone, at home, work, public transport, pretty much anywhere. Most of the time I'd like to think person who steps up to help receives some sort of thank you. Verbal is just fine, smile goes a long way too; no need for chocolates and flowers, even though they are nice too :-)
But then, when you try your best, and when that simple thank you would have been all that's required, all you receive instead is an angry verbal outburst and truckloads of accusations and questions, selfless act of offering help does not feel such a great idea anymore.
So jeez thanks to yet another jerk in my life, I began wondering Why Oh Why was I so desperate to get myself into this mess. Nothing is ever very straightforward with this person. Should have known.
It is raining and it is cold. I sure hope that this ungrateful b....c realizes she could easily be left out in the cold very much alone. No offers of assistance are expected nor offered in the very near future.

FAIL

Desert

Sixth sense

Do animals sense fear, unhappiness, joy? Do they also sense well-being and illness? Recurrence of cancer?

It's all in your head

I met friend of mine few days ago and meeting was long overdue.I had not seen her in years, but at the same time it felt like no time has passed when we last met. We had lunch, it stretched into a three hour marathon lunch with delicious food, drinks etc. Restaurant staff appeared very pleased when we finally left, and yes we did leave generous tip too. That's not the most important thing anyway... She asked me questions about patient confidentiality; does it apply to all patients?
Yes it does, all the time. Even when I speak about my condition to healthcare professional outside hospital environment? Well it still should, but because some news is just soooo impossible not to spread, it may not work. Depends on the person you talk to, and whether they know their mouths should stay shut. My friend had confided in her classmate PT, telling him about her depression- something that she had not forgotten, but had overcome it. Classmate of hers was a nurse, who apparently did not think the information he received was confidential, because couple of weeks later everyone knew of it.
Guess who would feel joy and happiness over that sort of news, and the fact that someone foolishly thought the conversation would remain inside those four walls- it did for a day or two and then spread like wildfire.
All I could say was I am sorry to hear this, it should not have happened, but some people just can't keep it to themselves. "Confidential, yeah, whatever, do I look I care."
Once again, social stigma of mental illness is still out there and yes, I know it is very different that breaking an arm or contracting sexually transmitted disease. Being depressed does not make one any worse than anyone else and definitely not justify this guy's actions.
I trust that what comes around goes around and one day Mr PT may find out that his depression or whatever is common knowledge. How does that feel?