Drowning...

After work, going and saying hi to my horse is the highlight of the day. At work it is just work and dealing with people who are just waiting to stab you in the back and seeing you dying slowly. They (some of them, yes, but I am not talking about every single one of them) have this evil grin on their faces and on those days I feel annoyed, that I have to deal with losers like that. Yeah one would say I'm in a wrong job. There is an awful competition between employees in order to gain the biggest amount of "points" for the next appraisal. There are many ways to gain these points, some methods are dirtier than others, but little less unlawful, but who cares. It's those people, who like or used to like their jobs- it's them who suffer, because they have not sent 100's of "group" e-mails to others, warning them of "mistakes, errors, omissions" or other things that can go wrong and lead into disciplinary action and warnings.. I've not sent even on so called "group" e-mail, so something must be wrong with me.....?

Those people deserve to be named and shamed, but this is not the right time.. not yet.

Instead of good morning, Mr A said to me the following: "You need to concentrate on your work, there were some things that were missing..". So effing what..? I told this person to consider this was my first day in a new role, taking new responsibilities, still working with preceptor. I am not totally innocent either, will admit I made mistakes, I have made them in the past and will probably continue making them in the future, not exactly the same ones, but new ones. I kind of get the impression this person thinks he/she is perfect so what's left to say..

What else could I do in this life? I am kind of stuck right now but realize the grass is not greener on the other side either, this I have learned in the past by frequently packing my bags and moving to another place, greener pastures, which then turned out not to be so green after all.
Probably best to wait and enjoy each precious moment, that I can still spend on this earth.
My cousin was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and on days like this when I feel annoyed and miserable and not really sure of what I am doing.. eating an Easter chocolate bunny, feeling little better after sugar fix.. but then later feeling again like I'm drowning.