Shattered

Awwww. Just when I thought things were gonna be "just fine"... Thyroid function tests are upside down, worse than ever to tell the truth. Miracle I am still alive.
Falling asleep during the day, never really feeling rested and awake. TSH levels have climbed into a new level - to celebrate the new year..? T3 and T4 levels all time low. How weird.
High cholesterol, high blood sugar and they made me drink that awfully sweet yucky glucose solution in the lab yesterday. Crap! The taste, at the very beginning wasn't that bad, but aftereffects were worse. They told me not to vomit, no to faint. I did none of the above, but felt it. Try concentrating on work then.
I am hoping, praying, all at the same time that this isn't the beginning of something much worse.

I am going out now for a walk with the horse. He has been a real treasure, very kind and gentle, perhaps sensing that I wasn't well.

Back to endocrine world

Follow-up appointment next week- unusual for me as I decided at one point that I'd not let anyone interfere in my cancer free life. Well, things have changed. Perhaps the new year has awoken my more mature side? Or I just became desperate for attention?
Whatever the reason, I am going and get into the bottom of hypoglycemia, fatigue and few other symptoms I've been having recently. Husband got slightly upset when I hinted I may have diabetes. If he got upset, how on earth am I going to react to the news myself, that is if this truly is diabetes. If not, well, that's going to be moment of huge relief and I'll most likely burst into tears.. or uncontrollable laughter. And well, if it is, I'll probably do exactly the same.
They say losing weight may "cure" type 2 diabetes? Then that may well be one of my best treatment options- with or without diabetes.
As for thyroid ca, I hope it stays in the distant past.

No posts for 2011

Not yet. Happy New Year, may this one bring all the happiness, health and wealth to each and everyone of us!
As for New Year's resolutions- they are secret!

First week of the year started hard at work and as a result I am already feeling shattered and the week hasn't even reached its end. Just that old realization that grass ain't always greener on the other side finally hit me, and it was as if the bubble had burst. In a way it did. In a blink of an eye I realized all of this- work mostly- was kind of a vacuum. Sit in there, feeling seeing hearing nothing, remembering bits and pieces of what once was.. It's both hilarious and disappointing. Disappointment; because The Others (yes, it's always them) dictate the way we behave, speak, listen. Always under a watchful eye. Hilarious, because I "see" all this weird stuff going on around me- and yes I am talking mostly about work here- but somehow I still retain the ability to detach myself from the reality, especially when bad stuff happens.
Now, not much of this makes sense, but then the beginning of twenty eleven has not made much sense yet either.
Translation into English: Once or twice some of us have thought that the grass is much fresher and greener on the other side. At first it is so. Then the "honeymoon" phase comes to an abrupt end and .. well... it's harder than hard to realize new job/school/girlfriend/that sale item weren't what we needed or wanted after all. Clocks won't turn back, and I won't get my October 1 twenty ten back either. That's when I signed my work contract, and thought this will be it, until I retire. I guess it is now just one day at the time- my husband tells me to adopt wait n see attitude, but my attitude is more like "don't ask, don't tell".

Cancerversary AKA anniversary of cancer free years is also approaching on the Jan 16, and that may actually mean more to me than the 1/1/11. I wish my yearly MRI wasn't scheduled after Jan 16, because it'd be a shame if cancerversary party wouldn't last weeks, months, years.. You know what I mean.. :-) Cancer isn't welcome into my life, no one else's either, stupid ca, stay away. You really chose the wrong bitch.

World weather report: well, it is pretty weird what's happening around the world. Floods in Australia, snowstorms, tornadoes, rain, earthquakes in England! Hot hot hot summers in the northern hemisphere. Are the culprits here the greenhouse gases..? Global warming? For how long do we believe there will be life on earth as it is today?
My heart goes out to all of those, who these severe weather conditions have touched in one way or another.

H1N1 wars. Handwashing empire and swine flu vaccine are striking back. H1N1 is retreating back into its corner and slouching in defeat.