October 06, 2012


"Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
'Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about the easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come"
Nickelback- Lullaby

Next week.. I am trying not to think about it. First step is Thyrogen injection... then hop on a plane and fly to another city and another hospital, which might actually feel like home by now.
I am trying not to cry. Trying not to go too far ahead and think about my options.
It is cancer, but it can be treated. I have to keep faith and hope that the cure is out there within my reach.
What am I really scared of? Needles? Sight of blood? Pain? Bad news? Good news? Waking up to reality, realizing all of a sudden that none of this was true?
Knocking myself out with Valium sounds like a very valid option, but then I would not living this, and would probably not learn anything at all. Would not remember a thing. Yes, that is good, but it just bypasses chapter in my life, chapter that I need to live.
I will know more for sure next week.

It does not change the fact that I am scared.


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