1920hrs

Nothing wrong with going to bed at twenty past seven in the evening..?
Probably not.
5 year "cancerversary" AKA anniversary is approching, it is just another month and a day away! 5 year anniversary warrants one more (fingers crossed) thyroid scan. In preparation I stopped Synthoid in early December and started Cytomel. Shortly afterward I began experiencing tremor; it started in my right had, middle finger and promptly proceeded to rest of the fingers. Right hand? Right. The one and only hand for using computer mouse and for many other countless tasks. Fatigue. Forgetfulness. I seem to be unable to remember what I was saying just a moment ago- these days I am writing everything down, all sort of instructions especially at work. I really have no desire getting into trouble because of poor memory, even though it is probably just short-term. And who says Cytomel is to blame? My memory has been ok, not excellent, but just fine, so Cytomel and fatigue and all other problems it has brought into my life, might be affecting memory too.
Dec 21 means just one thing: Discontinue Cytomel.
Party starts then.
I am sure I can beat short term hypothyroidism. The scan itself will take place in early January.

Am I worrying about possible recurrence? I may, but then memory issues take over and I could just easily forget I was worried moment ago. But honestly, I try my best not to worry.

Going to bed early sounds like a great idea- a fatigue fighter.

Ungrateful .....

Offer to help someone, at home, work, public transport, pretty much anywhere. Most of the time I'd like to think person who steps up to help receives some sort of thank you. Verbal is just fine, smile goes a long way too; no need for chocolates and flowers, even though they are nice too :-)
But then, when you try your best, and when that simple thank you would have been all that's required, all you receive instead is an angry verbal outburst and truckloads of accusations and questions, selfless act of offering help does not feel such a great idea anymore.
So jeez thanks to yet another jerk in my life, I began wondering Why Oh Why was I so desperate to get myself into this mess. Nothing is ever very straightforward with this person. Should have known.
It is raining and it is cold. I sure hope that this ungrateful b....c realizes she could easily be left out in the cold very much alone. No offers of assistance are expected nor offered in the very near future.

FAIL

Desert

Sixth sense

Do animals sense fear, unhappiness, joy? Do they also sense well-being and illness? Recurrence of cancer?

It's all in your head

I met friend of mine few days ago and meeting was long overdue.I had not seen her in years, but at the same time it felt like no time has passed when we last met. We had lunch, it stretched into a three hour marathon lunch with delicious food, drinks etc. Restaurant staff appeared very pleased when we finally left, and yes we did leave generous tip too. That's not the most important thing anyway... She asked me questions about patient confidentiality; does it apply to all patients?
Yes it does, all the time. Even when I speak about my condition to healthcare professional outside hospital environment? Well it still should, but because some news is just soooo impossible not to spread, it may not work. Depends on the person you talk to, and whether they know their mouths should stay shut. My friend had confided in her classmate PT, telling him about her depression- something that she had not forgotten, but had overcome it. Classmate of hers was a nurse, who apparently did not think the information he received was confidential, because couple of weeks later everyone knew of it.
Guess who would feel joy and happiness over that sort of news, and the fact that someone foolishly thought the conversation would remain inside those four walls- it did for a day or two and then spread like wildfire.
All I could say was I am sorry to hear this, it should not have happened, but some people just can't keep it to themselves. "Confidential, yeah, whatever, do I look I care."
Once again, social stigma of mental illness is still out there and yes, I know it is very different that breaking an arm or contracting sexually transmitted disease. Being depressed does not make one any worse than anyone else and definitely not justify this guy's actions.
I trust that what comes around goes around and one day Mr PT may find out that his depression or whatever is common knowledge. How does that feel?

Lost opportunities

Remember when something was just within your reach, and you did not reach for it?
It might have happened more than once, twice, three times?
Quite like when the alarm clock goes off in the morning, you get up and start your day. That's an opportunity that you did not miss.
Another time friend of yours invites you to dinner, you go, eat, have a chat, have fun. Not a missed opportunity.
Phone rings and I don't answer. Missed opportunity? Quite possibly.
Facebook friend request arrives at my Facebook "doorstep". Accept? No. Lost opportunity? Maybe. Yes.
Someone somewhere one day approached me. I was not quite in the mood of conversing with a stranger- and what do they say about strangers? Strangers are friends we have not yet met. Lost opportunity there.
Can''t say "Yes"all the time to each and every request and demand, but if your judgment, like mine, is pretty poor, then it's likely you've "missed"it- whether it is a lottery win, gorgeous man, gift from a stranger... Maybe it just was not meant to happen?

Talking about alarm clocks, I no longer need one. This furry creature "Nightowl" above is my alarm clock. 5am sharp, weekday or weekend, rain or shine, she is sure to wake me up.

Traffic

Awww no not again.
- One lane leading to highway- a chap in a red Chrysler insists on getting in front of us, no matter what. Bloody ammonia head.
- One chap on driver's seat, two lanes, driving in the middle of them, on top of the white lane.
- My turn, to the left, this guy is driving 1 meter distance from my rear bumper and has this urgent need to get past, which he eventually does, ignoring the 65 km/hr speed limit. Black SUV.
- Red light=no turn right. This guy in another SUV sees there is no traffic and takes the initiative to turn, never mind the red light.
- Another one in Chevrolet wants the same lane where I am. Yo man, where is the indicator. Right or left? Useless. Needless to say he was not going in front of me and my vehicle.

Recognize yourself from any of the above? Get back into driving school, because it is obvious you got your licence by bribing the official. They call it "wasta"in our neck of the woods.

Super bad day

Myself and a colleague are working together in this project at work. We've had several meetings with other subject matter experts, and we have progressed far. It's a relatively new topic for both of us, but my colleague is very skilled and experienced in this type of things anyway. Until this morning. Where did all that experience and skills possessed by by colleague leave me? Hanging in there, yes, with feelings of inadequacy, failure and hopelessness. Colleague has usually dealt with presentations in the meetings, I used to sit there feeling all of the above, and frustrated too. Then the magic word "I" appeared. Then "we". Then "I" again. Who did what, who did the typing, who did the presentation, who has taken more active role in this? Who found all the data, who modified it so that "we" can present it, and take credit what "we" have achieved?
After the meeting I approached (=ambushed) my colleague and stated that she is taking all the credit to herself by using the "I" word far too many times for my liking. We did it together, not just me, not just her. My presenting my case just wasn't successful, not the way I had intended. Wrong words, wrong time, wrong place. She took it really badly, got very insulted and by then it was too late. How do you take the words back that have already been said?
There is no way.
Treat others the way you'd like to be treated yourself. Would I like someone saying the same words, in the same accusatory manner to me? Did I mean everything I said, did I mean to say it the way I did?
By the time the meeting had ended I knew I had to say what I said, but in all honesty, truthfully I did NOT mean for it to sound so awful. But of course it did.
Yogi Bhajan's words below are the very same words I have read many times, but prior to opening my mouth today I did not remember how to get the message across so as not to make it sound like the worst possible crime.
My colleague's response to all this was that she has done her best, she has always included me in the project and has given me thanks and positive feedback. She ensured that I was not forgotten. Yes, she has. She had not used to word "I" in a manner that suggests she is the only person here. She had not meant it that way.
Piss poor job from my part, not the hours and work I had contributed, but how I said it all.
I don't think there is any need to emphasize that I didn't mean it to come out this way. I've said it, what's done is done and it can't be undone.
No one died, sure, but something between us did, and repairing this damage will take a long time. If it can ever be fixed at all.
We did talk it through, but there will always be doubt in the air- will this other person turn nasty again? Any future projects are definitely in jeopardy, at least projects between the two of us. I would like an instant fix, but there is nothing like that in this world.

Yogi Bhajan's advice can be found in www.3ho.org
webpages, and there is plenty of other stuff to explore.

Yogi Bhajan gave these five rules for communication:1

Rule 1: You are communicating for a better tomorrow, not to spoil today.

Rule 2: Whatever you are going to say is going to live forever. And you have to live through it. Therefore, take care you don’t have to live through the mud of your own communication.

Rule 3: One wrong word said can do much more wrong than you can even imagine or even estimate.

Rule 4: Words spoken are a chance for communication. Don’t turn them into a war.

Rule 5: When you communicate, you have to communicate again. Don’t make the road rough.

http://www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga/humanology/communication