April 18, 2013

Canned goods

"If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared it will burn your life to the ground. You say it. You say it loud, and then you go from there." – Mark Sloan

Mark Sloan may be right here.
But what happens when the person you love is sitting there, having a nice meal with others, completely absorbed in conversation, looking handsome and beautiful and wearing gorgeous white shirt? He smiled, albeit briefly. I guess he is becoming old, as he has already forgotten what we planned to do together one weekend. Old or young, I still like him loads and can't stop thinking about him.
Maybe it's just not supposed to be.. just like many times before. Most of the nice men I meet these days are married, gay or otherwise weird. But this one, he is special. He did not even freak out and run away when I told him about cancer treatment.

May 2013 will take me to hospital again for ultrasound and other tests. That is if I decide to go. The hospital in question is an hour flight away and brings back unpleasant cancer memories.
I could have same tests here where I live. I've been considering this for some time now and really can't see myself going to "that horrible torture chamber" again.
If the radioactive iodine worked, great. If not, then it may mean I have developed resistance. I don't know. I've not even had any follow-up appointments in my "own" hospital. Patients can truly get lost in the system. Send them to an outside institution and lose them.

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