August 01, 2008

Reading my mind

Try reading my mind today and all you see is white noise.
"Salvation does not come from the sight of me. It demands strenous effort and practice so work hard and seek for your own salvation constantly".
- Buddha

Trying to read his mind too, is impossible. Sometimes I sense some of his thoughts, fleeting disappearing moment, then they are gone. Faster than the speed of light. So many questions need to be answered- just one question granted, what would it be? There are so many. Millions of questions, thousands of words to say. Loving someone else, saying the words I love you and .. that's it.
When I once fell in love before, seems like ages ago now, in the Jurassic era or something.. I did not hesitate saying it, the words i love you. It took Him three months more to say those words and by then I had realized it was no love, it was lust, obsession, addiction, prostitution. No love there, no room for love. This time it was Him, another one, new one, who said the words. At first as a text message (I love this modern technology!), on the following day on the phone (safe distance away, this marvellous technology..) and then face to face.
This man, he is an angel. Gorgeous, beautiful human being. Kind, compassionate. Peaceful, smiling disposition, great wicked fun sense of humor. He is perfect- in my eyes, in my mind. The words I love you.. Yes, I learned them too in 11 different languages, but only one is enough for us. Je t'aime, te quiero, ich liebe dich, i love you.
Where is he now? In my heart, and he will stay there forever.
I am very very grateful for all the opportunities in the past, when I was given a chance to learn. And for this one precious chance to learn how to love.

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