November 30, 2008
Flat tire
Not long ago I bought new tires for my car. They were worn out, spare tire too didn't look too good. But now it seems that we have a traitor in our midst- someone is sneaking in and vandalizing our cars. The first target being my car- releasing air from the tires. Revenge is sweet! It does not make sense that just one of the tires is always empty, the very same tire. But before accusing the gardener or cleaner or neighbor for it, I will investigate.
November 24, 2008
It's the thought
My back is breaking, but it isn't broken just yet. It just feels that way, when the sleep does not come, the bed feels uncomfortable, it is either too hot or too cold. Disbelief, alarm clock at 0510am- did I sleep after all? The same feeling; shattered, broken and fatigued. Time to slow down..
When the sleep does not come, I remember a lot of negative stuff; how the boss shouted and screamed and made me cry. How my co-worker was busy pointing her finger at my mistakes and by then I had had enough and left. Not literally to the left, but waved good-bye and found myself in a new environment. These days, I do not tolerate abuse, the threshold is now extremely low. All this reflects on the quality of life and things become unbearably miserable when work and life in general sucks. One can read so many self-help guides and have counseling and hypnotherapy... one day, MIRACLE, you have traveled from A to B and you have arrived. All what is in the past stays there and does no longer surface. At least not each and every day.
I don't have to feel low and miserable. I'm not inferior to the guy next to me. I choose the life I lead, I choose the people I spend my time with. I trust in God and leave bigger issues in life for God. I don't feel the need to constantly please people, observing them observe me and my actions and reactions.
It would be just great if every day was about being human, kind, caring, relaxed, assertive when necessary, finding a friendly word for everyone.. one of my colleagues told me it is just about creating this warm comfortable space around you, and letting this attract people with similar qualities.. Days like this, empty pages in the weblog- I feel I'm getting closer and closer of understanding all this.. ALL and EVERYTHING.
- Relax and sleep
- Listen to music
- Enjoy the sun and cold winter mornings
- Ask God, it always works
When the sleep does not come, I remember a lot of negative stuff; how the boss shouted and screamed and made me cry. How my co-worker was busy pointing her finger at my mistakes and by then I had had enough and left. Not literally to the left, but waved good-bye and found myself in a new environment. These days, I do not tolerate abuse, the threshold is now extremely low. All this reflects on the quality of life and things become unbearably miserable when work and life in general sucks. One can read so many self-help guides and have counseling and hypnotherapy... one day, MIRACLE, you have traveled from A to B and you have arrived. All what is in the past stays there and does no longer surface. At least not each and every day.
I don't have to feel low and miserable. I'm not inferior to the guy next to me. I choose the life I lead, I choose the people I spend my time with. I trust in God and leave bigger issues in life for God. I don't feel the need to constantly please people, observing them observe me and my actions and reactions.
It would be just great if every day was about being human, kind, caring, relaxed, assertive when necessary, finding a friendly word for everyone.. one of my colleagues told me it is just about creating this warm comfortable space around you, and letting this attract people with similar qualities.. Days like this, empty pages in the weblog- I feel I'm getting closer and closer of understanding all this.. ALL and EVERYTHING.
November 17, 2008
Shame on you!
Long ago.. at East Dulwich Sainsbury's in London:
My friend Amber told me the story- here goes: She was shopping for groceries, some bread, eggs, milk, the usual stuff, and some chocolate and cupcakes, because she has a sweet tooth. While she was getting ready to pay, two people lined up behind her, nice looking couple. My friend's thought was let's get this done, pack her bags and go home.. until she heard the most unimaginable: these two people were speaking her native language, and the woman was pointing at my friend's groceries "Look at that girl, what she is buying". Yeah, meaning the cupcakes, croissants, chocolates etc that she was buying. My friend was stunned into silence, but after half a minute regained her senses, turned to look at the woman (who was not Miss World beauty lookalike either) and asked "What is it that you said?"- in their common native language. The woman looked like she would want to take her words back and for the ground to swallow her, but what's once given (i.e. nasty words) cannot be taken back just like that. the man, much wiser, kept quiet, but at the end said "My wife did not mean that".
Yes, the lesson was learned- both parties. My friend learned that an overweight, plump, fat person has no room in this world, in the eyes of this "handsome couple". But she persevered, lost pounds and pounds of weight and looks happy and healthy nowadays. And she hopes that these two people learned not make comments like this- one day it may land you into big trouble. Come to think of it, my friend did the right thing.
I think a public humiliation would have been the right way to go- and today, 11 years later, we are here to tell the story. Amber shared her story with her housemate Nancy, who thought this was plain stupid. Watch out when you open your mouth and speak in a language that no one around you can understand- there may still be someone out there; that old lady, this plump young woman, the man next to you, the nurse behind you...
My friend Amber told me the story- here goes: She was shopping for groceries, some bread, eggs, milk, the usual stuff, and some chocolate and cupcakes, because she has a sweet tooth. While she was getting ready to pay, two people lined up behind her, nice looking couple. My friend's thought was let's get this done, pack her bags and go home.. until she heard the most unimaginable: these two people were speaking her native language, and the woman was pointing at my friend's groceries "Look at that girl, what she is buying". Yeah, meaning the cupcakes, croissants, chocolates etc that she was buying. My friend was stunned into silence, but after half a minute regained her senses, turned to look at the woman (who was not Miss World beauty lookalike either) and asked "What is it that you said?"- in their common native language. The woman looked like she would want to take her words back and for the ground to swallow her, but what's once given (i.e. nasty words) cannot be taken back just like that. the man, much wiser, kept quiet, but at the end said "My wife did not mean that".
Yes, the lesson was learned- both parties. My friend learned that an overweight, plump, fat person has no room in this world, in the eyes of this "handsome couple". But she persevered, lost pounds and pounds of weight and looks happy and healthy nowadays. And she hopes that these two people learned not make comments like this- one day it may land you into big trouble. Come to think of it, my friend did the right thing.
I think a public humiliation would have been the right way to go- and today, 11 years later, we are here to tell the story. Amber shared her story with her housemate Nancy, who thought this was plain stupid. Watch out when you open your mouth and speak in a language that no one around you can understand- there may still be someone out there; that old lady, this plump young woman, the man next to you, the nurse behind you...
November 16, 2008
November 05, 2008
Addicted
to.. nothing specific. I love to sleep. At the very beginning, when I was home from the hospital, I couldn't really sleep and woke up irritated, sweaty and restless. In the middle of the night I woke up covered in sweat and there was no way I would get up from under the duvet and feel the cold. No way. In time, these sweaty periods ceased and I could sleep. Healing took place during the night, I could feel it, visualize it. I drank water and imagined how the wounds began the healing process, from the tissues deeper, toward the skin. Then the sleep began to escape me and I was up until 1am, easily. Understandably I then slept until 11am and wondered why the days pass by so quick.
I am back into more or less normal rhythm now, but it's not set in stone and I still love to wake up later than 7am.
Other than that, I love being in love. I miss him when he is not here, I miss him as soon as he leaves the house and goes to work. I miss him when he is out with the boys. Seriously.
I still love to eat. Delicious meals that we share, me and him. My cooking skills have improved a lot and I have actually learned to like cooking. Setting up the table, serving the food. Eating mmmmm... Yummy.
I am back into more or less normal rhythm now, but it's not set in stone and I still love to wake up later than 7am.
Other than that, I love being in love. I miss him when he is not here, I miss him as soon as he leaves the house and goes to work. I miss him when he is out with the boys. Seriously.
I still love to eat. Delicious meals that we share, me and him. My cooking skills have improved a lot and I have actually learned to like cooking. Setting up the table, serving the food. Eating mmmmm... Yummy.
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