March 28, 2009
March 21, 2009
Scared..?
What are you afraid of?
Insects, rabies, dis-ease, darkness, aliens, Komodo dragons, spiders, horror movies, lizards, snakes, death, flying, albino frogs, losing your mind, losing your temper (hah ;-) simply scared of being scared?
I am afraid and scared of many things.
When I was much younger, probably 9 or 10 years old, I went for a walk in the forest with my mother and father and little brother. We followed a path, but suddenly I saw something that did not quite belong there: snake, not moving, kind of coil shape, it did not move, but I did, I screamed and was very determined not to walk in the forest anymore. So I think we left.. Good bye forest. This is the one and only snake I have ever seen in nature and it was probably just enjoying the sun and belonged there truly more than I did.
At the Jurong reptile park my friend and I saw green iguanas (kind of giant green gecko lizards) and crocodiles. I didn't see the iguanas until it was too late. I decided to take a break and sit in a beautiful green park while my friend was taking a closer look at various reptiles. All of a sudden there was movement in the tree above my head- I turned to have a look at this unknown threat- and there it was: green scary looking iguana. Again I had to shout for help and my friend appeared, wondering why I was AGAIN in danger. I closed my eyes and she practically had to lead me out of the park enclosure by hand, I could not open my eyes. Scary stuff.
I have learned to ignore tiny spiders and ants, but lizards and snakes and other reptiles really scare me. Huh.
Insects, rabies, dis-ease, darkness, aliens, Komodo dragons, spiders, horror movies, lizards, snakes, death, flying, albino frogs, losing your mind, losing your temper (hah ;-) simply scared of being scared?
I am afraid and scared of many things.
When I was much younger, probably 9 or 10 years old, I went for a walk in the forest with my mother and father and little brother. We followed a path, but suddenly I saw something that did not quite belong there: snake, not moving, kind of coil shape, it did not move, but I did, I screamed and was very determined not to walk in the forest anymore. So I think we left.. Good bye forest. This is the one and only snake I have ever seen in nature and it was probably just enjoying the sun and belonged there truly more than I did.
At the Jurong reptile park my friend and I saw green iguanas (kind of giant green gecko lizards) and crocodiles. I didn't see the iguanas until it was too late. I decided to take a break and sit in a beautiful green park while my friend was taking a closer look at various reptiles. All of a sudden there was movement in the tree above my head- I turned to have a look at this unknown threat- and there it was: green scary looking iguana. Again I had to shout for help and my friend appeared, wondering why I was AGAIN in danger. I closed my eyes and she practically had to lead me out of the park enclosure by hand, I could not open my eyes. Scary stuff.
I have learned to ignore tiny spiders and ants, but lizards and snakes and other reptiles really scare me. Huh.
March 16, 2009
Drowning...
After work, going and saying hi to my horse is the highlight of the day. At work it is just work and dealing with people who are just waiting to stab you in the back and seeing you dying slowly. They (some of them, yes, but I am not talking about every single one of them) have this evil grin on their faces and on those days I feel annoyed, that I have to deal with losers like that. Yeah one would say I'm in a wrong job. There is an awful competition between employees in order to gain the biggest amount of "points" for the next appraisal. There are many ways to gain these points, some methods are dirtier than others, but little less unlawful, but who cares. It's those people, who like or used to like their jobs- it's them who suffer, because they have not sent 100's of "group" e-mails to others, warning them of "mistakes, errors, omissions" or other things that can go wrong and lead into disciplinary action and warnings.. I've not sent even on so called "group" e-mail, so something must be wrong with me.....?
Those people deserve to be named and shamed, but this is not the right time.. not yet.
Instead of good morning, Mr A said to me the following: "You need to concentrate on your work, there were some things that were missing..". So effing what..? I told this person to consider this was my first day in a new role, taking new responsibilities, still working with preceptor. I am not totally innocent either, will admit I made mistakes, I have made them in the past and will probably continue making them in the future, not exactly the same ones, but new ones. I kind of get the impression this person thinks he/she is perfect so what's left to say..
What else could I do in this life? I am kind of stuck right now but realize the grass is not greener on the other side either, this I have learned in the past by frequently packing my bags and moving to another place, greener pastures, which then turned out not to be so green after all.
Probably best to wait and enjoy each precious moment, that I can still spend on this earth.
My cousin was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and on days like this when I feel annoyed and miserable and not really sure of what I am doing.. eating an Easter chocolate bunny, feeling little better after sugar fix.. but then later feeling again like I'm drowning.
Those people deserve to be named and shamed, but this is not the right time.. not yet.
Instead of good morning, Mr A said to me the following: "You need to concentrate on your work, there were some things that were missing..". So effing what..? I told this person to consider this was my first day in a new role, taking new responsibilities, still working with preceptor. I am not totally innocent either, will admit I made mistakes, I have made them in the past and will probably continue making them in the future, not exactly the same ones, but new ones. I kind of get the impression this person thinks he/she is perfect so what's left to say..
What else could I do in this life? I am kind of stuck right now but realize the grass is not greener on the other side either, this I have learned in the past by frequently packing my bags and moving to another place, greener pastures, which then turned out not to be so green after all.
Probably best to wait and enjoy each precious moment, that I can still spend on this earth.
My cousin was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and on days like this when I feel annoyed and miserable and not really sure of what I am doing.. eating an Easter chocolate bunny, feeling little better after sugar fix.. but then later feeling again like I'm drowning.
March 13, 2009
One Day
Blood red beautiful sky and one of the coldest mornings... Morning walk in Hyde Park, ready for another day.
March 04, 2009
Verbal abuse
Incredible.. Yet another patient's relative/family member/whatever accused me of not helping their family member, who was a patient at the time. Patient himself was fabulous, did not ask for anything extra, was extremely well educated, civilized.. but this woman; hatred and flash of anger in her eyes she TOLD me to go and help the patient. I did what I was TOLD and the patient thanked me. Afterwards I said to the woman that her tone of voice is not appreciated at all and that I would be very grateful if she did not speak to me in the same way ever again. Never.
That night I never saw her again, thanks be to God. There is no need being so rude, ever, to anyone. Patients' verbal attacks can somehow be tolerated, but not families' or relatives'. Patients are sick after all, few rude words don't matter as much if they come from their mouths- but rude and nasty ungrateful family members don't get my sympathy.
I would do well putting this attack behind me, but they seem to go on and on, because not many stand up for themselves and just continue almost welcoming the abuse. I'm not saying ALL of us are guilty, but majority of us are. I've had my share of abuse, clients/customers/patients calling me names ("you are not very nice", devil, b....d, idiot, loser, f..k off and many other colorful expressions.. people are just so so creative, haha). No physical abuse, but few instances where we've had to restrain uncooperative clients.
When you travel to e.g. the UK, you can see welcoming signs of "Abuse is not tolerated" etc at the airport, train, bus. So when you try very hard not to speak in disrespectful way to a bus driver or customs official, then why isn't there same policy for nasty relatives and family members in hospitals..? Perhaps there is one, but only in certain countries. Definitely not in ours.
But I am fed up being treated like a maid and slave and will continue to stand up for myself.
There are not enough of loving kind words in this world.
That night I never saw her again, thanks be to God. There is no need being so rude, ever, to anyone. Patients' verbal attacks can somehow be tolerated, but not families' or relatives'. Patients are sick after all, few rude words don't matter as much if they come from their mouths- but rude and nasty ungrateful family members don't get my sympathy.
I would do well putting this attack behind me, but they seem to go on and on, because not many stand up for themselves and just continue almost welcoming the abuse. I'm not saying ALL of us are guilty, but majority of us are. I've had my share of abuse, clients/customers/patients calling me names ("you are not very nice", devil, b....d, idiot, loser, f..k off and many other colorful expressions.. people are just so so creative, haha). No physical abuse, but few instances where we've had to restrain uncooperative clients.
When you travel to e.g. the UK, you can see welcoming signs of "Abuse is not tolerated" etc at the airport, train, bus. So when you try very hard not to speak in disrespectful way to a bus driver or customs official, then why isn't there same policy for nasty relatives and family members in hospitals..? Perhaps there is one, but only in certain countries. Definitely not in ours.
But I am fed up being treated like a maid and slave and will continue to stand up for myself.
There are not enough of loving kind words in this world.
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