January 10, 2014

How to survive when you love someone Part 1

I am no way an expert in this, I am not therapist, educator, analyst (well yes I am an analyst in my daily work..), but I have fallen in love over and over again, even though I know I should not. It keeps happening, and many times I don't even recognize "love", before I (we) are already there and it gets harder and harder to hide those feelings. Great if it is mutual, but.. if not.. then it's just like those countless times before.

It's just that that person makes you feel fantastic. When you look into their eyes, everything else is forgotten and you come alive. Life feels worth living, even more than it did before. You look great, there is a spark in your eye and smile on your face. Thinking about him/her makes you happy. Thinking that next step is to tell him/her that you like them, that you would like to kiss them. That's the question and if that border is crossed, yeah then what? What if the feeling is not mutual? You suffer a heartbreak? 
There are times when I've not acted on it, because it has often destroyed everything and I have learned my lesson. At least friendship and trust that once was there. I wish there was straightforward answer to this, but if there is, I've not found it. 
In my case, when I was about to say the words "I like you, I love you", something told me to keep my mouth shut and walk away. So I did not say it and potentially saved myself from embarrassment and rejection. Feeling of emptiness was all that was left. It sure does not feel like you've survived, but it's a start.

"But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep"

Passenger: "Let Her Go

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