Cat

Bon Voyage

Off to a short trip to the capital tomorrow.

Shattered

Awwww. Just when I thought things were gonna be "just fine"... Thyroid function tests are upside down, worse than ever to tell the truth. Miracle I am still alive.
Falling asleep during the day, never really feeling rested and awake. TSH levels have climbed into a new level - to celebrate the new year..? T3 and T4 levels all time low. How weird.
High cholesterol, high blood sugar and they made me drink that awfully sweet yucky glucose solution in the lab yesterday. Crap! The taste, at the very beginning wasn't that bad, but aftereffects were worse. They told me not to vomit, no to faint. I did none of the above, but felt it. Try concentrating on work then.
I am hoping, praying, all at the same time that this isn't the beginning of something much worse.

I am going out now for a walk with the horse. He has been a real treasure, very kind and gentle, perhaps sensing that I wasn't well.

Back to endocrine world

Follow-up appointment next week- unusual for me as I decided at one point that I'd not let anyone interfere in my cancer free life. Well, things have changed. Perhaps the new year has awoken my more mature side? Or I just became desperate for attention?
Whatever the reason, I am going and get into the bottom of hypoglycemia, fatigue and few other symptoms I've been having recently. Husband got slightly upset when I hinted I may have diabetes. If he got upset, how on earth am I going to react to the news myself, that is if this truly is diabetes. If not, well, that's going to be moment of huge relief and I'll most likely burst into tears.. or uncontrollable laughter. And well, if it is, I'll probably do exactly the same.
They say losing weight may "cure" type 2 diabetes? Then that may well be one of my best treatment options- with or without diabetes.
As for thyroid ca, I hope it stays in the distant past.

No posts for 2011

Not yet. Happy New Year, may this one bring all the happiness, health and wealth to each and everyone of us!
As for New Year's resolutions- they are secret!

First week of the year started hard at work and as a result I am already feeling shattered and the week hasn't even reached its end. Just that old realization that grass ain't always greener on the other side finally hit me, and it was as if the bubble had burst. In a way it did. In a blink of an eye I realized all of this- work mostly- was kind of a vacuum. Sit in there, feeling seeing hearing nothing, remembering bits and pieces of what once was.. It's both hilarious and disappointing. Disappointment; because The Others (yes, it's always them) dictate the way we behave, speak, listen. Always under a watchful eye. Hilarious, because I "see" all this weird stuff going on around me- and yes I am talking mostly about work here- but somehow I still retain the ability to detach myself from the reality, especially when bad stuff happens.
Now, not much of this makes sense, but then the beginning of twenty eleven has not made much sense yet either.
Translation into English: Once or twice some of us have thought that the grass is much fresher and greener on the other side. At first it is so. Then the "honeymoon" phase comes to an abrupt end and .. well... it's harder than hard to realize new job/school/girlfriend/that sale item weren't what we needed or wanted after all. Clocks won't turn back, and I won't get my October 1 twenty ten back either. That's when I signed my work contract, and thought this will be it, until I retire. I guess it is now just one day at the time- my husband tells me to adopt wait n see attitude, but my attitude is more like "don't ask, don't tell".

Cancerversary AKA anniversary of cancer free years is also approaching on the Jan 16, and that may actually mean more to me than the 1/1/11. I wish my yearly MRI wasn't scheduled after Jan 16, because it'd be a shame if cancerversary party wouldn't last weeks, months, years.. You know what I mean.. :-) Cancer isn't welcome into my life, no one else's either, stupid ca, stay away. You really chose the wrong bitch.

World weather report: well, it is pretty weird what's happening around the world. Floods in Australia, snowstorms, tornadoes, rain, earthquakes in England! Hot hot hot summers in the northern hemisphere. Are the culprits here the greenhouse gases..? Global warming? For how long do we believe there will be life on earth as it is today?
My heart goes out to all of those, who these severe weather conditions have touched in one way or another.

H1N1 wars. Handwashing empire and swine flu vaccine are striking back. H1N1 is retreating back into its corner and slouching in defeat.

Happy 2011

New Year

Old year is soon coming to an end, and what do we remember of this past year..?
First thing that springs into my mind is that precious moment, when my horse and I really "got it", when we became inseparable. Yes, me and my horse.
On January 16, 2010 was my two year "free of cancer" anniversary, and the 3rd year one is approaching. This time there are no "what if's" in my mind- cancer is past, and future, whether we re talking about weeks, months, years- it is all ahead of me.
Me and my husband too became more than inseparable. We also "got it", and realized we are in this together- all of us.
My eye has healed well, one more check-up in January and it's an official good bye to pterygium. Never come back. Stay away (Who'd have know such an alien thing even exists...).
My new job has opened loads of new avenues, brought new challenges and both tears and joy. Missing a meeting or submitting an incomplete document for review aren't something to be highlighted or remembered years and years in a row- they are part of the learning process and no one apart from myself punished me very harshly. Of course I am perfectionist and want to achieve 100% in everything. Yeah, in that sense my memory is a curse, that I don't forget and forgive myself easily. Challenge for 2011..? Forget, forgive.
There is always room for improvement.
Things that I did not achieve were weight loss, as well as complete recovery from depression, but I guess I am on my way, at least able to admit that I'm not always feeling bright and cheerful.
I am going to keep my schedule relatively tight over the next year- but definitely enough room for just doing nothing, relaxing, sleeping.. and few 100% challenge-free days.

Nasty neck spasms and other ailments

Deskjob causes great discomfort in many ways. Sitting all day long, bad posture, typing furiously whilst on the phone, dealing with more than three tasks at the same time, cup of coffee, buried under papers and documents.
It all began with numbness in the fingers of right hand, weird kind of tingling. My body can't take any more.
Neck spasms are awful, real abuse. I'm off to massage followed up a visit to drugstore- good bye neck spasms.

No excuses this time

I missed a meeting at work last week. And then another today. I had no excuses this time.
How is this going to improve my performance rating..?
It won't. Quite right, I felt awful and I still do and now I am questioning myself "Why, how, what, where?", vicious circle once I got started, same thoughts in my head and I can't forget even for one minute.
Husband told me "Don't be stupid, pay attention on your job". Quite right.

Something that went wrong like this, how do I make it right?

Room full of surprises