Explain this

The Cat has gone missing again. It was awful to come back home, not knowing whether the cat would be here waiting or not. She was not. One of my colleagues said cats like exploring, wandering around and they return home when they choose to do so. Ok. Another colleague said maybe the cat got run over by a car. Maybe. There is a busy road just next to my house.
Part of me feels guilty, that I did not make any effort to go search for the cat, but where would I go? All I can do is wait and post a missing cat advert in the local intranet. It would be like playing cat and mouse, try and find the cat, who's probably hiding and watching me, finding it very amusing. No I won't be going out looking for her.
I am planning my vacation in June- the world is out there and India would be the most tempting destination :) but this time I think it might be appropriate to visit London. This time not as a resident, but as tourist. No worries, I won't be seen climbing into one of the red sightseeing buses, I will walk and explore London that way. May I also assure you that I will not be staying at Dorchester. But I am looking forward for a walk in Hyde Park, along the River Thames, and once again feel the healing power of the river. We have hardly any rivers here- we do have the beautiful Arabian Gulf, with its beautiful shades of tropical green and blue.

Moments of anxiety hit me at times, but not nearly as often as they used to. It tells me I am bound to fail with whatever i do, that I lack focus and goal, but I pray; please God stop this from happening, get me out of this mess. I am mesmerized by these moments, as bright as stars, they come and go in a split second - I always ask myself the same question: What an earth was that?
They pass me so quickly that I do not even know what hit me.
Unreal. Fascinating. Somewhere deep inside I finally "get it", and know exactly what I need to know. That "something" I failed to understand a year ago. Hah. I know now. I truly do. I am the soul of the truth.