Dear all
Some of you know about my recent operation- it seems like a distant memory, therefore thinking about it as a "minor" operation is fine.
After suffering from abdominal pain for quite some time, I failed to diagnose my own condition as cholecystitis i.e. inflammation of the gallbladder. Today, a week later, I am free of pain, have had major clear out in my house, with the assistance of someone very special.. and I am doing very well.
Due to my experiences as patient, rather than as caregiver myself, I began to think about writing a book, it has a working title of "Experiences of Life and Death".
I began writing short stories about the most beautiful and memorable moments in my life so far, and some of not so pleasant moments. It could be about anything, holiday of a lifetime, your daily job- how much you enjoy it, precious gift you have been given, near death experience, facing your fears, healing process.
Anything. Any length, from two sentences to two pages. I am looking for people from all walks of life, anywhere. You can even write in you native language and I can get it translated.
I would be most grateful for any help, any written material that you'd be happy for me to publish. I plan to get the book published in the UK, but I need to get something written up before submitting anything for my agent.
If you know of family members, friends, relatives who would like to contribute, please let them know.
Kind regards
Sat Atma Kaur
October 25, 2008
October 23, 2008
Delightful creature
October 22, 2008
Shadow world
Have you ever wondered how it really feels like to fall asleep.. those precious seconds just before one falls asleep? How does it really feel? Light as feathers, like a warm slow wind on your skin, kind of standing on a bridge?
What if you don't feel like sleeping? You feel tired, but something keeps pulling you back from the border of sleep and the state of awareness?
Inducing sleep: in general anesthesia. "Sweet dreams", someone above you says. You see the mask approaching, the mask is pressed on you face and oxygen begins to flow. You try not to inhale, but finally succumb. Something white enters your vein, feels hot, but the same time comforting. You sleep. Next time you wake up, it is all over.
I was asleep. Laparoscopic (=keyhole) Cholecystectomy to remove a gallbladder and it's contents i.e. stones. Gallbladder gone, incredible upper abdominal pain gone, just tiny wounds left on the abdomen. In my earlier post "24 hours" I did actually suffer from chest pain, or so I thought- it was so convincing. But then three days later, the pain was too much, could simply not be controlled at home. Two nights at work, I kept on thinking I have indigestion and suffered in silence. Boyfriend was concerned and just wanted me up and smiling and being happy again. Six days in hospital, and the damage has been fixed. Physical body, yes, but what about the other bodies and minds? Recovery takes time.
By all means study and learn more about gallstones, people experience dfferent types of symptoms. Some never need any treatment. Some do, and antibiotics and painkillers and modifying the diet can be all that's needed. But don't let it get that far that you are in hospital bed begging for Morphine to take away the pain. I can honestly say it was one of the worst kind of pain I have ever had- and now that my gallbladder has gone, I won't have the same pain. Now experimenting with the diet will begin and some things may work, some don't and then I'll simply try to avoid those foods that don't agree with my body.. That phase has already began. Chocolate does not work, nor do excess doses of rye bread.
But sleep.. Sleeping has been uncomfortable. Hospital bed resembles torture device and killed my back. I am slowly stretching my back into its normal shape. Abdominal wounds still cause some tightness and funny tingling and don't allow me to sleep the way I normally do. I wake up covered in sweat. Is this still the part of my body getting rid of antibiotics and other not so friendly substances I was given in hospital?
Sleep.. is it a resting phase or do we actually practice dying while we sleep? Part of the post-operative recovery process at home it occurred to me I could have died. But then I could have died when I drove my car last week. Or something, somewhere, some place else. Death. It came as a shock, realization that I could have stayed asleep, never waking up. Dying so far from home. Would anyone remember me? How does it feel, is it just like falling asleep? And where do we go..? What if we become ghosts in the world between this one and next one? The world of shadows? Is death dark and scary?
Those people, who have already passed on; our family members, relatives, friends- will we meet them? There are my grandparents, aunt, Nora the dog.. so many.. Will we meet again? Life is not for an eternity, not here- but the life after this? Will we live?
I am feeling better, no longer having these thoughts, not that much. Every moment counts. Every moment is precious and there is still some time left. This moment, this second, this minute. Every text message I send to my boyfriend, it all counts. Every beautiful ray of the sun. Every bite of a delicious pancake. Smell of freshly mowed grass. Smile of a stranger. My giant horse trying to get a cuddle. Raindrop on my skin. Kindness in the world. Beautiful painting. Delicious risotto.Smell of a rainforest. Softness of velvet.
Prayer works. I talk to God more and more, give thanks every day. Amen.
What if you don't feel like sleeping? You feel tired, but something keeps pulling you back from the border of sleep and the state of awareness?
Inducing sleep: in general anesthesia. "Sweet dreams", someone above you says. You see the mask approaching, the mask is pressed on you face and oxygen begins to flow. You try not to inhale, but finally succumb. Something white enters your vein, feels hot, but the same time comforting. You sleep. Next time you wake up, it is all over.
I was asleep. Laparoscopic (=keyhole) Cholecystectomy to remove a gallbladder and it's contents i.e. stones. Gallbladder gone, incredible upper abdominal pain gone, just tiny wounds left on the abdomen. In my earlier post "24 hours" I did actually suffer from chest pain, or so I thought- it was so convincing. But then three days later, the pain was too much, could simply not be controlled at home. Two nights at work, I kept on thinking I have indigestion and suffered in silence. Boyfriend was concerned and just wanted me up and smiling and being happy again. Six days in hospital, and the damage has been fixed. Physical body, yes, but what about the other bodies and minds? Recovery takes time.
By all means study and learn more about gallstones, people experience dfferent types of symptoms. Some never need any treatment. Some do, and antibiotics and painkillers and modifying the diet can be all that's needed. But don't let it get that far that you are in hospital bed begging for Morphine to take away the pain. I can honestly say it was one of the worst kind of pain I have ever had- and now that my gallbladder has gone, I won't have the same pain. Now experimenting with the diet will begin and some things may work, some don't and then I'll simply try to avoid those foods that don't agree with my body.. That phase has already began. Chocolate does not work, nor do excess doses of rye bread.
But sleep.. Sleeping has been uncomfortable. Hospital bed resembles torture device and killed my back. I am slowly stretching my back into its normal shape. Abdominal wounds still cause some tightness and funny tingling and don't allow me to sleep the way I normally do. I wake up covered in sweat. Is this still the part of my body getting rid of antibiotics and other not so friendly substances I was given in hospital?
Sleep.. is it a resting phase or do we actually practice dying while we sleep? Part of the post-operative recovery process at home it occurred to me I could have died. But then I could have died when I drove my car last week. Or something, somewhere, some place else. Death. It came as a shock, realization that I could have stayed asleep, never waking up. Dying so far from home. Would anyone remember me? How does it feel, is it just like falling asleep? And where do we go..? What if we become ghosts in the world between this one and next one? The world of shadows? Is death dark and scary?
Those people, who have already passed on; our family members, relatives, friends- will we meet them? There are my grandparents, aunt, Nora the dog.. so many.. Will we meet again? Life is not for an eternity, not here- but the life after this? Will we live?
I am feeling better, no longer having these thoughts, not that much. Every moment counts. Every moment is precious and there is still some time left. This moment, this second, this minute. Every text message I send to my boyfriend, it all counts. Every beautiful ray of the sun. Every bite of a delicious pancake. Smell of freshly mowed grass. Smile of a stranger. My giant horse trying to get a cuddle. Raindrop on my skin. Kindness in the world. Beautiful painting. Delicious risotto.Smell of a rainforest. Softness of velvet.
Prayer works. I talk to God more and more, give thanks every day. Amen.
October 07, 2008
October 03, 2008
24 hours
1420 Abdominal pain begins and gets worse over the next four hours. Dull ache, constant, very much on top of the pain scale. The pain finally finds its final resting place in the patient's chest and radiates to the neck every now and then.
1755 Time to call the MD. 12 lead EKG done, blood tests too that detect a presence of heart attack. MD chats with the patient, reassures and the patient decides it is best to take off and go home. Patient's calls a friend, who agrees to go for a drive home.
1820 Home: patient takes OTC (over the counter) meds, which bring no relief whatsoever.
1845 Decision is made to visit the ER. Painkillers are not helping at all.
1910 ER registration process begins and the patient is taken for chest x-ray, blood tests, medications are given- they finally kick the pain away. But chewable Aspirin tastes foul and throwing up is closer than ever before. Sublingual Nitro is God send, and within five minutes or so the pain is completely gone. Dull ache, which is almost pleasant, remains. MD and few RN's come and check vital signs. Oxygen on, heart monitor on and off we go to the cardiac in-patient unit. At least one night of obervation, blood tests, EKG's ahead.
MIDNIGHT Not much sleep. Blood test.
0300 It's cold, patient asks for another blanket. Please. Toes are frozen.
0430 Blood tests.
0530 Is it time..? Not yet. Sleep for another hour.
0630 Next shift of hospital personnel begins their duty at work. Where is HE? And more blood tests.
Next few hours bring visits from several MD's, nurses etc and eventually HE also arrives with delicious breakfast.
High cholesterol levels, but no sign of heart attack.
1500 Home! It has been hard. Not enough sleep, more than enough pain. Shock of learning that the cholesterol levels are not optimal, but at least with a good diet they may improve.
There were my latest 24 hours or so, it was me having the pain.. Glad and relieved to be back home and all people involved, they were incredibly nice, all the doctors, nurses etc. Even more relieved that the pain turned out NOT to be a heart attack.
1755 Time to call the MD. 12 lead EKG done, blood tests too that detect a presence of heart attack. MD chats with the patient, reassures and the patient decides it is best to take off and go home. Patient's calls a friend, who agrees to go for a drive home.
1820 Home: patient takes OTC (over the counter) meds, which bring no relief whatsoever.
1845 Decision is made to visit the ER. Painkillers are not helping at all.
1910 ER registration process begins and the patient is taken for chest x-ray, blood tests, medications are given- they finally kick the pain away. But chewable Aspirin tastes foul and throwing up is closer than ever before. Sublingual Nitro is God send, and within five minutes or so the pain is completely gone. Dull ache, which is almost pleasant, remains. MD and few RN's come and check vital signs. Oxygen on, heart monitor on and off we go to the cardiac in-patient unit. At least one night of obervation, blood tests, EKG's ahead.
MIDNIGHT Not much sleep. Blood test.
0300 It's cold, patient asks for another blanket. Please. Toes are frozen.
0430 Blood tests.
0530 Is it time..? Not yet. Sleep for another hour.
0630 Next shift of hospital personnel begins their duty at work. Where is HE? And more blood tests.
Next few hours bring visits from several MD's, nurses etc and eventually HE also arrives with delicious breakfast.
High cholesterol levels, but no sign of heart attack.
1500 Home! It has been hard. Not enough sleep, more than enough pain. Shock of learning that the cholesterol levels are not optimal, but at least with a good diet they may improve.
There were my latest 24 hours or so, it was me having the pain.. Glad and relieved to be back home and all people involved, they were incredibly nice, all the doctors, nurses etc. Even more relieved that the pain turned out NOT to be a heart attack.
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