One of those fun-filled days at work, and this time I mean it. My shift was at the ER and I enjoyed it. Still, as I know that this is not going to last forever I can handle it, but my steps were heavy in the morning and with great reluctance I took the train and went to work. In the course of my 12 hour shift I realized it was not so bad at all, not that busy, I could complete my work too. It was a day that I enjoyed. The minutes, hours passed- I had met an interesting bunch of people, both staff and patients, who once again have taught me a lot. Some positive attitude, being grateful and tiny bit happier than I was when I began my day.
Once again then at home it all crashed down; I had two hours or so of peace and quiet, but then my 'drug dealer' housemate came home, decided to play latino music in full volume, and that did the trick. In the other hand, she probably did not realize no one was at home, but it was 11pm and the walls are not made of bricks and cement. Cardboard walls you idiot! Consider this.
I paid a visit to the restroom, considering whether I need to confront the junkie.. then decided against it and swallowed a Valium 5mg and picked up the earplugs. What a stormy night, not just this sudden latino music night, but the weather! Gale force winds on the coast, some of them reached London too, I woke up in the early hours of the morning, had to shut the window and sleep. My sleep was troubled by violent nightmares- and yet another headache in the morning. The new day dawned, I awoke to sunshine and the sound of wind and bad taste in my mouth.. and the feeling of hunger. But, WHO has eaten my porridge???!! Mandarins and turkey ham slices were missing. The 1st thought that crossed my mind was that I have been sleepwalking and eaten them myself. Or perhaps I have forgotten that I had them for lunch the day before. Or.. what's the alternative thought? Once upon a time when the 'junkie' used to live in our house, the official role of hers being another housemate's wife (NB she was not employed as 'a drug abuser or a thief' as far as I know), she practiced the fine art of stealing food. Her previously nice sexy curvy frame became size 20 UK size, lard and fat, not much muscle there. Now that my food begins to disappear again, I am unsure whether to report it to the police or just at the Tesco noticeboard. Either way, what goes around comes around.
This incident nearly made me jump off the cliff. I began to ponder- in a kind of crossword style, the words 'anger', 'hatred', 'evil', killer', dominating it. Is a human being capable of growing his anger into such dimension that their world could be destroyed for the entire time they still have on this planet? How are Hannibal Lecters and Ted Bundys and Myra Hindleys shaped that they became the way they have are today? I have seen and experienced war, violence and hatred, and that is never the way to go. I read the following sentence "When you take someone by the hand, you must let your head fall before you let that hand drop." If I am not wrong this was said by the beloved Yogiji Siri Singh Sahib. He also said "If you don't see God in all, you cannot see God at all".
Hate and anger and violence are never the way to go, but is love so long-reaching that one can love each and every human being and animal in this world? I know I need to explore my feelings regarding this housemate.. Maybe my departure is delayed for this reason, that I need to deal with this issue before leaving..
The fact that I have just 9 days to deal with whatever needs to be dealt with- Dec 12 DeAdLiNe is approaching and I will be Homeless. No permanent address, no broadband access..