February 04, 2014
January 27, 2014
Microscopic manager
"We have invested in you", says the boss.
"Are you not happy here? Why do you want to leave?"
Have I not invested my time and contributed my time and skills during the time I have been employed here? What a stuuuuuuupid question.
Am I happy? No. Yes. There are days when I am happier, but those days are not here that often anymore. Employee satisfaction survey show decline in many areas. There has been increase in employee dissatisfaction in many areas, not just mine.
I feel empty and kind of sad, on a roller-coaster ride. No matter how engaged I feel today, it could be another story tomorrow. Yeah. What's the root cause of all this? ONE micro-manager. Just one is all it takes and all good work goes down the drain. What that creates in turn is an unmotivated and unenthusiastic employee, who is weighing options.
Aww I feel sick and depressed thinking about this. I start wishing for common cold that would keep my out of boss' lair. I weigh my options and wonder what future will bring. I could crawl into a small space and stay there for some time. Then once I've had enough of small spaces I could return to daylight and think again. Emptiness, disappointment, love, hope, happiness, anxiety, anger, forgiveness. There is always some hope left, grab it and go.
Who invented the word micromanager? Someone should do microscopic exam and see if there is any activity in micromanagers' brain?
After eventful days such as these ("We have invested in you."), that tiny flicker of hope is enough to carry on. Words can hurt, they can leave lasting impression, but they did not kill me. Not now, not ever.
"Are you not happy here? Why do you want to leave?"
Have I not invested my time and contributed my time and skills during the time I have been employed here? What a stuuuuuuupid question.
Am I happy? No. Yes. There are days when I am happier, but those days are not here that often anymore. Employee satisfaction survey show decline in many areas. There has been increase in employee dissatisfaction in many areas, not just mine.
I feel empty and kind of sad, on a roller-coaster ride. No matter how engaged I feel today, it could be another story tomorrow. Yeah. What's the root cause of all this? ONE micro-manager. Just one is all it takes and all good work goes down the drain. What that creates in turn is an unmotivated and unenthusiastic employee, who is weighing options.
Aww I feel sick and depressed thinking about this. I start wishing for common cold that would keep my out of boss' lair. I weigh my options and wonder what future will bring. I could crawl into a small space and stay there for some time. Then once I've had enough of small spaces I could return to daylight and think again. Emptiness, disappointment, love, hope, happiness, anxiety, anger, forgiveness. There is always some hope left, grab it and go.
Who invented the word micromanager? Someone should do microscopic exam and see if there is any activity in micromanagers' brain?
After eventful days such as these ("We have invested in you."), that tiny flicker of hope is enough to carry on. Words can hurt, they can leave lasting impression, but they did not kill me. Not now, not ever.
January 16, 2014
Dream of a Road Trip on a Harley
Photos were taken by iPhone 4 (because I left my camera home, silly fool me!) so quality is not the best possible. I wanted to go for a ride too! My brother took me to work once by motorcycle. It was 20 something years ago and I swore that was the first and last time. Never again. I was scared and very relieved when I reached my work place.
Now I find myself looking at these gorgeous bikes and their owners and wonder if I could one day become an owner of Harley Davidson- after all they are some of the most handsome bikes in this world. My brother's bike was... I don't know, have to ask him. Then I find myself watching Evan McGregor and Charley Boorman on their bikes traveling across continents. Me too, I want to do that. Alaska, Mongolia, Austria and Switzerland for starters.
For ladies, however, in this corner of the world there are no road trips available in a car or on a Harley, at least not yet. Are there any other countries in this world where women can't drive, except Saudi Arabia? My bike rides would be limited to a few hundred yards. It would be a great idea though, but as a driver, not passenger. In the meantime I will settle for rides on my horse.
January 15, 2014
January 10, 2014
Another Grey's Anatomy quote
"We’re all gonna die. We don’t get much say over how or when. But we do get to decide how we’re gonna live. So do it. Decide. Is this the life you wanna live? Is this the person you wanna love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out, and decide."Richard Webber - "Seal Our Fate"
How to survive when you love someone Part 1
I am no way an expert in this, I am not therapist, educator, analyst (well yes I am an analyst in my daily work..), but I have fallen in love over and over again, even though I know I should not. It keeps happening, and many times I don't even recognize "love", before I (we) are already there and it gets harder and harder to hide those feelings. Great if it is mutual, but.. if not.. then it's just like those countless times before.
It's just that that person makes you feel fantastic. When you look into their eyes, everything else is forgotten and you come alive. Life feels worth living, even more than it did before. You look great, there is a spark in your eye and smile on your face. Thinking about him/her makes you happy. Thinking that next step is to tell him/her that you like them, that you would like to kiss them. That's the question and if that border is crossed, yeah then what? What if the feeling is not mutual? You suffer a heartbreak?
There are times when I've not acted on it, because it has often destroyed everything and I have learned my lesson. At least friendship and trust that once was there. I wish there was straightforward answer to this, but if there is, I've not found it.
In my case, when I was about to say the words "I like you, I love you", something told me to keep my mouth shut and walk away. So I did not say it and potentially saved myself from embarrassment and rejection. Feeling of emptiness was all that was left. It sure does not feel like you've survived, but it's a start.
"But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep"
Passenger: "Let Her Go
It's just that that person makes you feel fantastic. When you look into their eyes, everything else is forgotten and you come alive. Life feels worth living, even more than it did before. You look great, there is a spark in your eye and smile on your face. Thinking about him/her makes you happy. Thinking that next step is to tell him/her that you like them, that you would like to kiss them. That's the question and if that border is crossed, yeah then what? What if the feeling is not mutual? You suffer a heartbreak?
There are times when I've not acted on it, because it has often destroyed everything and I have learned my lesson. At least friendship and trust that once was there. I wish there was straightforward answer to this, but if there is, I've not found it.
In my case, when I was about to say the words "I like you, I love you", something told me to keep my mouth shut and walk away. So I did not say it and potentially saved myself from embarrassment and rejection. Feeling of emptiness was all that was left. It sure does not feel like you've survived, but it's a start.
"But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast
Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much and you dive too deep"
Passenger: "Let Her Go
January 03, 2014
Sorry, we couldn’t complete your purchase. Please try again later.
Fuck Microsoft and their bloody shit service. I have tried to renew Office 365 several times now, but each time card payment is rejected/server decides to take a break/page disappears from sight/country changes from UK to Saudi Arabia and finally Azerbaijan. What a joke.
Sorry, something went wrong.
"Something went wrong and we can't sign you in right now. Please try again later" - that is the response I got when I tried to "sign in" the customer support page.
"Sign in with your Microsoft account to get the right help, right away. Sign in for personalized.."
Why does Microsoft not want my money? All I wanted is a yearly subscription.
Microsoft is committed to helping protect your privacy. For more info, see our privacy notice. Privacy is top priority. The very top so that customer can't complete their purchase.
What are my options now? Any computer savvy person could probably enlighten me? Please?
January 01, 2014
Happy New Year
December 30, 2013
Insomnia
Almost at the very end of 2013. New Year just around the corner.
I wish 2014 will bring something good to all of us. Health, happiness, success, new job if that is what you seek. Meet that special person. Travel. Say one kind word to everyone you meet.
Ask me about the plan and New Year's resolutions now and I can't answer. My eyes don't stay open and I am drifting into the dream world. That world where each and every dream comes true. That world, where I get to kiss the man in my dreams, live in a mansion and have no more financial worries. No depression. Something nice and rewarding to do at work. Be relaxed and happy. That special man on my side.
Some of this could exist in the real world too. I just need to start from somewhere.
I've not slept well for the last two weeks. Max. 6 hours a night. Barely making it out of the bed at 5.15am, that is if I do not reach for snooze button. Shower. I wish I could stay there forever under the stream of hot water.
Fingers crossed sleep will come tonight. Tomorrow is the 31st, and I will probably spend that night in bed too, dreaming of that special man, New Year's resolutions, singing along Avicii's song "Hey brother". Good night from my part of the world.
I wish 2014 will bring something good to all of us. Health, happiness, success, new job if that is what you seek. Meet that special person. Travel. Say one kind word to everyone you meet.
Ask me about the plan and New Year's resolutions now and I can't answer. My eyes don't stay open and I am drifting into the dream world. That world where each and every dream comes true. That world, where I get to kiss the man in my dreams, live in a mansion and have no more financial worries. No depression. Something nice and rewarding to do at work. Be relaxed and happy. That special man on my side.
Some of this could exist in the real world too. I just need to start from somewhere.
I've not slept well for the last two weeks. Max. 6 hours a night. Barely making it out of the bed at 5.15am, that is if I do not reach for snooze button. Shower. I wish I could stay there forever under the stream of hot water.
Fingers crossed sleep will come tonight. Tomorrow is the 31st, and I will probably spend that night in bed too, dreaming of that special man, New Year's resolutions, singing along Avicii's song "Hey brother". Good night from my part of the world.
December 25, 2013
It's him again..
As soon as I thought I got it all planned, all ready, all good and right decisions made, HE shows up again. My plans go down the drain, because I let them, and because my ability to think slows down and becomes non-existent. No one should have that kind of power over me. I'll start again.
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