That's it. Good bye, adios, arrivederci, ma'assalama, adieu, auf wiedersehen. No more ice cream- and this is just after realization that I had indeed found an ice cream that I love. I loe its taste, texture, color.. everything. And now I can no longer have. Dairy products are probably playing a major part in my diarrhea and it starts with ice cream. No more Baskin Robbins, Ben&Jerry..
During my days off I have been experimenting with various "foods" and trying to find out where am I going wrong. Yesterday was one of those days when I barely made it to the restroom, and since then.. hmm.. not all details need to be shared, but let's just say I was practically living in the restroom for the remaining hours of the day. Yuck.
I've always loved all kinds of dairy products, but this may be the end of the road- instead look for lactose-free products, if they'd be somehow suitable.
May 27, 2009
May 26, 2009
Bad drivers and diarrhea
They are everywhere; bad drivers, who are self-centered and full of themselves, and ignorant of all of traffic rules. It's probably not possible to find a perfect driver in this world, but some are very very good. I guess it depends on where in the world these people learned to drive.. but some of them shouldn't drive even a bike or a child's tricycle.
What happened to the good manners on the road?
Let pedestrians cross the road in peace, if you plan on turning left, indicate "LEFT" early enough, not when you are already turned left and out of sight. If you were still in sight, you'd see me mouthing bad words and showing an international finger symbol. Where on earth did you get you drivers licence...?! By driving "straight" line for 20 yards? By bribing an officer? Either way, learn to drive. If you plan on turning the volume of car radio up to the roof, go do it someplace else, I don't share your music interests. Shout "hello" from the car and speed away, you can be sure I won't even be looking at your direction, besides driving your dad's Maxima does not impress me. Or that Mercedes that you've borrowed from your uncle.
Two teenagers in a car in Riyadh in 2002; they were following me and my friend K everywhere on that particular "shopping road". We popped into a shop, they were waiting outside. We crossed the road, they were soon after us again. The same went on for half an hour, finally I got my cellphone out of the bag and pretended to call someone. Police, my husbad, spacemen, who cares but that did the trick and the two cowards were soon on their way. Haha. I doubt they were even teenagers, they could have been below 12 years of age, joyriding on their daddy's car. Mind you, it wasn't an expensive Mercedes.
Ther have been times when I have been driving little too fast, but I have never received a ticket. I don't intend to.
Whatever the reason. Even when I have diarrhea, which nowadays happens multitude of times daily, I still don't speed. Instead, I have few spare diapers in the car. At least I can save myself from completely surrendering to diarrhea. Details of diarrhea don't need to be told here, all I can say is that I am going for colonoscopy soon. This could be related to the removal of gallbladder- but apparently not related to the old thyroid carcinoma, so that's a relief, some degree of relief anyway. In hot and humid weather it becomes a number one priority to drink and replace lost fluids..
What happened to the good manners on the road?
Let pedestrians cross the road in peace, if you plan on turning left, indicate "LEFT" early enough, not when you are already turned left and out of sight. If you were still in sight, you'd see me mouthing bad words and showing an international finger symbol. Where on earth did you get you drivers licence...?! By driving "straight" line for 20 yards? By bribing an officer? Either way, learn to drive. If you plan on turning the volume of car radio up to the roof, go do it someplace else, I don't share your music interests. Shout "hello" from the car and speed away, you can be sure I won't even be looking at your direction, besides driving your dad's Maxima does not impress me. Or that Mercedes that you've borrowed from your uncle.
Two teenagers in a car in Riyadh in 2002; they were following me and my friend K everywhere on that particular "shopping road". We popped into a shop, they were waiting outside. We crossed the road, they were soon after us again. The same went on for half an hour, finally I got my cellphone out of the bag and pretended to call someone. Police, my husbad, spacemen, who cares but that did the trick and the two cowards were soon on their way. Haha. I doubt they were even teenagers, they could have been below 12 years of age, joyriding on their daddy's car. Mind you, it wasn't an expensive Mercedes.
Ther have been times when I have been driving little too fast, but I have never received a ticket. I don't intend to.
Whatever the reason. Even when I have diarrhea, which nowadays happens multitude of times daily, I still don't speed. Instead, I have few spare diapers in the car. At least I can save myself from completely surrendering to diarrhea. Details of diarrhea don't need to be told here, all I can say is that I am going for colonoscopy soon. This could be related to the removal of gallbladder- but apparently not related to the old thyroid carcinoma, so that's a relief, some degree of relief anyway. In hot and humid weather it becomes a number one priority to drink and replace lost fluids..
May 04, 2009
I shouldn't have..
When I remember the days more than a year ago, that was the time when I had cancer. Many things changed, priorities in life, values, everything. Then months and months afterwards I began to feel more settled and thought things would get back to normal, but there was nothing that resembled that "normal" state of being. Cancer will always be part of me. Now my cousin has been diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and this brought back the memories. How did I truly feel?
Desperate, sad, ready for a battle, merciful, adventurous, challenged, hopeful.. All that and more.
During those months, living with cancer, I wanted to experience many things and prove I could still do it. Someone, who was also diagnosed with cancer, said that as long as she can walk and run, she knows she is alive. I was walking, running, traveling, doing things I had never done, as fast as I can, in a hurry. My days.. I didn't know how many were left.
Since then I have not really felt scared. Not really. Well.. yearly check-ups; body scans, blood tests.. it never gets easy, each time it brings little more distance between myself and cancer. Cancer used to dominate my life, but it no longer does it.
Other scary things: I shouldn't have been watching the movie "Hostel Part II". All that blood, violence was too much. Have any of you seen it? I nearly threw up and will probably have nightmares tonight. For once I wish I was at work at night and wouldn't need to sleep. This is not the first movie mistake, there are others too: Saw movies, Coma, Halloween, Omen, Exorcist.. And why did I watch all these..? I guess that's the adventurous part of me.. But the feeling does not last, it is like having a drink, another drink.. and one more. And then one of the worst hangovers- that's how I feel.
Desperate, sad, ready for a battle, merciful, adventurous, challenged, hopeful.. All that and more.
During those months, living with cancer, I wanted to experience many things and prove I could still do it. Someone, who was also diagnosed with cancer, said that as long as she can walk and run, she knows she is alive. I was walking, running, traveling, doing things I had never done, as fast as I can, in a hurry. My days.. I didn't know how many were left.
Since then I have not really felt scared. Not really. Well.. yearly check-ups; body scans, blood tests.. it never gets easy, each time it brings little more distance between myself and cancer. Cancer used to dominate my life, but it no longer does it.
Other scary things: I shouldn't have been watching the movie "Hostel Part II". All that blood, violence was too much. Have any of you seen it? I nearly threw up and will probably have nightmares tonight. For once I wish I was at work at night and wouldn't need to sleep. This is not the first movie mistake, there are others too: Saw movies, Coma, Halloween, Omen, Exorcist.. And why did I watch all these..? I guess that's the adventurous part of me.. But the feeling does not last, it is like having a drink, another drink.. and one more. And then one of the worst hangovers- that's how I feel.
April 13, 2009
March 28, 2009
March 21, 2009
Scared..?
What are you afraid of?
Insects, rabies, dis-ease, darkness, aliens, Komodo dragons, spiders, horror movies, lizards, snakes, death, flying, albino frogs, losing your mind, losing your temper (hah ;-) simply scared of being scared?
I am afraid and scared of many things.
When I was much younger, probably 9 or 10 years old, I went for a walk in the forest with my mother and father and little brother. We followed a path, but suddenly I saw something that did not quite belong there: snake, not moving, kind of coil shape, it did not move, but I did, I screamed and was very determined not to walk in the forest anymore. So I think we left.. Good bye forest. This is the one and only snake I have ever seen in nature and it was probably just enjoying the sun and belonged there truly more than I did.
At the Jurong reptile park my friend and I saw green iguanas (kind of giant green gecko lizards) and crocodiles. I didn't see the iguanas until it was too late. I decided to take a break and sit in a beautiful green park while my friend was taking a closer look at various reptiles. All of a sudden there was movement in the tree above my head- I turned to have a look at this unknown threat- and there it was: green scary looking iguana. Again I had to shout for help and my friend appeared, wondering why I was AGAIN in danger. I closed my eyes and she practically had to lead me out of the park enclosure by hand, I could not open my eyes. Scary stuff.
I have learned to ignore tiny spiders and ants, but lizards and snakes and other reptiles really scare me. Huh.
Insects, rabies, dis-ease, darkness, aliens, Komodo dragons, spiders, horror movies, lizards, snakes, death, flying, albino frogs, losing your mind, losing your temper (hah ;-) simply scared of being scared?
I am afraid and scared of many things.
When I was much younger, probably 9 or 10 years old, I went for a walk in the forest with my mother and father and little brother. We followed a path, but suddenly I saw something that did not quite belong there: snake, not moving, kind of coil shape, it did not move, but I did, I screamed and was very determined not to walk in the forest anymore. So I think we left.. Good bye forest. This is the one and only snake I have ever seen in nature and it was probably just enjoying the sun and belonged there truly more than I did.
At the Jurong reptile park my friend and I saw green iguanas (kind of giant green gecko lizards) and crocodiles. I didn't see the iguanas until it was too late. I decided to take a break and sit in a beautiful green park while my friend was taking a closer look at various reptiles. All of a sudden there was movement in the tree above my head- I turned to have a look at this unknown threat- and there it was: green scary looking iguana. Again I had to shout for help and my friend appeared, wondering why I was AGAIN in danger. I closed my eyes and she practically had to lead me out of the park enclosure by hand, I could not open my eyes. Scary stuff.
I have learned to ignore tiny spiders and ants, but lizards and snakes and other reptiles really scare me. Huh.
March 16, 2009
Drowning...
After work, going and saying hi to my horse is the highlight of the day. At work it is just work and dealing with people who are just waiting to stab you in the back and seeing you dying slowly. They (some of them, yes, but I am not talking about every single one of them) have this evil grin on their faces and on those days I feel annoyed, that I have to deal with losers like that. Yeah one would say I'm in a wrong job. There is an awful competition between employees in order to gain the biggest amount of "points" for the next appraisal. There are many ways to gain these points, some methods are dirtier than others, but little less unlawful, but who cares. It's those people, who like or used to like their jobs- it's them who suffer, because they have not sent 100's of "group" e-mails to others, warning them of "mistakes, errors, omissions" or other things that can go wrong and lead into disciplinary action and warnings.. I've not sent even on so called "group" e-mail, so something must be wrong with me.....?
Those people deserve to be named and shamed, but this is not the right time.. not yet.
Instead of good morning, Mr A said to me the following: "You need to concentrate on your work, there were some things that were missing..". So effing what..? I told this person to consider this was my first day in a new role, taking new responsibilities, still working with preceptor. I am not totally innocent either, will admit I made mistakes, I have made them in the past and will probably continue making them in the future, not exactly the same ones, but new ones. I kind of get the impression this person thinks he/she is perfect so what's left to say..
What else could I do in this life? I am kind of stuck right now but realize the grass is not greener on the other side either, this I have learned in the past by frequently packing my bags and moving to another place, greener pastures, which then turned out not to be so green after all.
Probably best to wait and enjoy each precious moment, that I can still spend on this earth.
My cousin was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and on days like this when I feel annoyed and miserable and not really sure of what I am doing.. eating an Easter chocolate bunny, feeling little better after sugar fix.. but then later feeling again like I'm drowning.
Those people deserve to be named and shamed, but this is not the right time.. not yet.
Instead of good morning, Mr A said to me the following: "You need to concentrate on your work, there were some things that were missing..". So effing what..? I told this person to consider this was my first day in a new role, taking new responsibilities, still working with preceptor. I am not totally innocent either, will admit I made mistakes, I have made them in the past and will probably continue making them in the future, not exactly the same ones, but new ones. I kind of get the impression this person thinks he/she is perfect so what's left to say..
What else could I do in this life? I am kind of stuck right now but realize the grass is not greener on the other side either, this I have learned in the past by frequently packing my bags and moving to another place, greener pastures, which then turned out not to be so green after all.
Probably best to wait and enjoy each precious moment, that I can still spend on this earth.
My cousin was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and on days like this when I feel annoyed and miserable and not really sure of what I am doing.. eating an Easter chocolate bunny, feeling little better after sugar fix.. but then later feeling again like I'm drowning.
March 13, 2009
One Day
Blood red beautiful sky and one of the coldest mornings... Morning walk in Hyde Park, ready for another day.
March 04, 2009
Verbal abuse
Incredible.. Yet another patient's relative/family member/whatever accused me of not helping their family member, who was a patient at the time. Patient himself was fabulous, did not ask for anything extra, was extremely well educated, civilized.. but this woman; hatred and flash of anger in her eyes she TOLD me to go and help the patient. I did what I was TOLD and the patient thanked me. Afterwards I said to the woman that her tone of voice is not appreciated at all and that I would be very grateful if she did not speak to me in the same way ever again. Never.
That night I never saw her again, thanks be to God. There is no need being so rude, ever, to anyone. Patients' verbal attacks can somehow be tolerated, but not families' or relatives'. Patients are sick after all, few rude words don't matter as much if they come from their mouths- but rude and nasty ungrateful family members don't get my sympathy.
I would do well putting this attack behind me, but they seem to go on and on, because not many stand up for themselves and just continue almost welcoming the abuse. I'm not saying ALL of us are guilty, but majority of us are. I've had my share of abuse, clients/customers/patients calling me names ("you are not very nice", devil, b....d, idiot, loser, f..k off and many other colorful expressions.. people are just so so creative, haha). No physical abuse, but few instances where we've had to restrain uncooperative clients.
When you travel to e.g. the UK, you can see welcoming signs of "Abuse is not tolerated" etc at the airport, train, bus. So when you try very hard not to speak in disrespectful way to a bus driver or customs official, then why isn't there same policy for nasty relatives and family members in hospitals..? Perhaps there is one, but only in certain countries. Definitely not in ours.
But I am fed up being treated like a maid and slave and will continue to stand up for myself.
There are not enough of loving kind words in this world.
That night I never saw her again, thanks be to God. There is no need being so rude, ever, to anyone. Patients' verbal attacks can somehow be tolerated, but not families' or relatives'. Patients are sick after all, few rude words don't matter as much if they come from their mouths- but rude and nasty ungrateful family members don't get my sympathy.
I would do well putting this attack behind me, but they seem to go on and on, because not many stand up for themselves and just continue almost welcoming the abuse. I'm not saying ALL of us are guilty, but majority of us are. I've had my share of abuse, clients/customers/patients calling me names ("you are not very nice", devil, b....d, idiot, loser, f..k off and many other colorful expressions.. people are just so so creative, haha). No physical abuse, but few instances where we've had to restrain uncooperative clients.
When you travel to e.g. the UK, you can see welcoming signs of "Abuse is not tolerated" etc at the airport, train, bus. So when you try very hard not to speak in disrespectful way to a bus driver or customs official, then why isn't there same policy for nasty relatives and family members in hospitals..? Perhaps there is one, but only in certain countries. Definitely not in ours.
But I am fed up being treated like a maid and slave and will continue to stand up for myself.
There are not enough of loving kind words in this world.
February 06, 2009
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